MOVIES: Five in 5-7-5

Okay, look, I’m way behind on movie reviews, and the reason I’m way behind on movie reviews is because I keep watching GOOD movies instead of BAD movies, and writing about good movies is kind of boring.  Once in a while, it can be fun.  But more than three in a row is, like, absolute torture.

To reset things a bit, I’m now going to review five decent-to-good movies for you using only haiku.  Then we can get back to the crappy movies, which are just a heck of a lot more entertaining to say stuff about.  (Tip: If you want a real plot description, click on the “Netflix me” link and you can find one there.)

The Changeling (2008)
Drama
Angelina Jolie (looking sad and red-lipsticked), Jeffrey Donovan (channeling Gabrielle Anwar’s really bad Irish accent from S1 of Burn Notice), John Malkovich (NOT playing a dick for a change).  Directed by ex-BoTW Clint Eastwood.

Based on a true tale —
I really wish it had been
A half-hour shorter.
[Netflix me]

Milk (2008)
Drama
Sean Penn (is amazing), James Franco (is skinny), Emile Hersch (is wearing the same glasses I had in 1983), Diego Luna (is going to break your heart), Josh Brolin (is really, really talented).

I cannot believe
We are still having these same
Damn rallies (we suck).
[Netflix me]

Doubt (2008)
Drama (based on play)
Phillip Seymour Hoffman (is creepy from scene one), Meryl Streep (is totally overrated in this), Amy Adams (is cute, but isn’t she kinda always?)

Everyone loved it.
I thought the acting was good
But the plot was meh.
[Netflix me]

Tell No One (2008)
Drama, Foreign (French with English subtitles, sorry, Lizzie)
Francois Cluzet (my God, it’s Bob from French Kiss!), Kristen Scott Thomas (speaks French sort of oddly, but is cute about it)

When this one ended
I thanked the screenwright aloud
For his new ending.
[Netflix me (available for Watch Now)]

The Secret Life of Bees (2008)
Drama
Dakota Fanning (tween), Queen Latifah (queen), Paul Bettany (mean)

Sure, it is cheesy.
Who cares, when it stars The Queen?
She is teh awesome.
[Netflix me]

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12 Responses to “MOVIES: Five in 5-7-5”

  1. Eva Says:

    I’m really, really jealous of your blogging mojo. You could do a whole website of haiku movie reviews – brilliant. When can I start being you?

  2. megwood Says:

    Hah, thanks, Eva! I’m glad that my desperate steps to get the good movies out of the way actually turned out to be more entertaining than totally lame. I was pretty sure you guys would think they were totally lame! 🙂

  3. Marni Says:

    well done. exactly enough for me to know whether to bother with them or not. and they made me smile too.

  4. megwood Says:

    Marni, when I realized that was Bob (the thief) from French Kiss in Tell No One, I thought of you immediately. That one is really good, btw. I loved the book as well, but the ending had totally ruined the whole thing for me, and the movie version’s ending was much, much more satisfying.

  5. Lorraine Says:

    Saved me all that reading time! 🙂 Changeling – good story, boringly depicted. Milk – great story, wonderfully depicted, Sean Penn amazing, James Franco lovely smile. Doubt – saw play, not thrilled, skipped movie. Tell No One – interesting story, non-stereotypical characters, must be foreign film.

  6. Trip Says:

    Just saw Quarantine this weekend, here’s my haiku-review:

    Body hits the floor
    Super rabies reigns supreme
    Chick’s in hysterics

  7. megwood Says:

    Nice, Trip! If I were to review Quarantine in haiku, mine would go like this:

    Old lady eats cop,
    Dexter chick’s fear is for realz,
    Do not go upstairs!!

  8. Lizzie Says:

    Haiku Reviews: cute!
    But I’d love some more detail –
    I like good films, too!

    Okay, okay, so my haiku writing is not that great! Meg, I enjoy your writing, and was a little surprised that writing about “good” movies bores you! I agree – it’s fun to pan bad movies, but sometimes it’s also fun to hear why one might be very good!

    That said, I can totally understand why you wanted/needed to keep these reviews short and sweet. When and if you have time to wax eloquent about a movie you LIKED, feel free!

    “Quarantine” was weird!
    Everyone got really scared,
    But I couldn’t see why! [Oops! Extra syllable there!]

    I’m off to watch “Masters of Horror: Homecoming” – about dead soldiers who come home to vote in the presidential election. Love the concept! I figure it will either be brilliant – or…meh!

  9. Liz Says:

    Haiku Reviews: cute!
    But I’d love some more detail –
    I like good films, too!

    Okay, okay, so my haiku writing is not that great! Meg, I enjoy your writing, and was a little surprised that writing about “good” movies bores you! I agree – it’s fun to pan bad movies, but sometimes it’s also fun to hear why one might be very good!

    That said, I can totally understand why you wanted/needed to keep these reviews short and sweet. When and if you have time to wax eloquent about a movie you LIKED, feel free!

    “Quarantine” was weird!
    Everyone got really scared,
    But I couldn’t see why! [Oops! Extra syllable there!]

    I’m off to watch “Masters of Horror: Homecoming” – about dead soldiers who come home to vote in the presidential election. Love the concept! I figure it will either be brilliant – or…meh!

  10. megwood Says:

    I don’t always pan the bad movies, though — I often LOVE the bad movies! Besides, of course, I frequently DO write reviews of “good” movies. The whole BotW write-up right now on http://megwood.com is essentially one big fat review of an amazing film, for example.

    But five in a row that I really didn’t feel I had anything unique or different to say about — meh. That had become a hurdle. I didn’t want to just repeat everything else the critics had already said, but I also mostly agreed with what they’d said (except for Doubt, I suppose, but that movie was pretty uninspiring in general for me, so 17 syllables seemed like plenty), so where is the interest there? I decided to go with form over function. WAY more fun, which is sort of the entire point of this web site from both our perspectives, right?

  11. Liz Says:

    Absolutely makes sense.

    BTW, I don’t know why my comment went thru twice – unless it was because it didn’t work the first time, so I changed back to “Liz” and tried again. SORRY!

  12. megwood Says:

    I just thought there was an echo in here, Liz! 🙂

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