Archive for the ‘Wil Wheaton’ Category

MOVIE: Polar Storm (2009)

March 9, 2010

Oh, man, you know what?  It’s just gone.  This movie is GONE.

Here’s what happened:

A few weeks ago, I went down to visit my parents for a long weekend, which, as usual, meant Mom and I rented a hefty stack of movies, many of them, shall we say, somewhat risky.  (Note:  not risqué, as one does not rent such films with one’s mother unless one is weird).  Usually while I watch these movies with Mom, I take notes so I can remember them all later, and usually the ones I take the most notes about are the ones like this one — the hilariously bad ones.

Why?  Because they are the most fun to write about, naturally, and also because every two minutes while I’m watching them, I think about how much I want to tell you guys about the ridiculous thing that one guy just said.  Or the crazy-bad special effects I just saw.  Or the insanely obvious lack of a scientific adviser on deck.  OMG, my peeps, SO BAD!

I took about four pages of notes about Polar Storm and was looking forward to putting this review together and up.  Then I got on the train to go home, stuck my notebook (along with my iPod, argh!) in the seat pocket in front of me, and three hours later, walked off the train leaving both behind.


Long story short: I have no idea what this movie was about.  This one or most of the others we watched.  BUT, I will now attempt to dig out what I can for you.  We’ll see how I do.

I can start by telling you this made-for-SyFy movie stars Jack Coleman, better known to some of us as “Horn-Rimmed Glasses” (HRG) from Heroes.  And yes, yes, that’s it, it’s coming back to me now — HRG plays a scientist.  An astrophysicist, I believe.

What happens, more or less (I think), is that a piece of a comet breaks off and wallops the Earth.  Somehow, this throws the Earth’s core out of whack.  And, as we all know from watching countless movies just like this one (The Core, for example, or its far superior knock-off Deep Core, which co-stars ex-Boyfriend of the Week Wil Wheaton, some way more plausible science, and a truly admirable amount of awesomely bad dialogue), if you monkey with the Earth’s core, all kinds of bad stuff will happen.

In this story, the core changes start to make the Earth’s magnetic field wonk out (technical term) and HRG becomes convinced the poles are about to reverse.  In (his) theory, this swap will make the magnetic field disappear completely just long enough for the sun’s rays to MELT US.  With FI-YAH!!

Yeah, no, it didn’t really make a lot of sense.  But I did appreciate that it very earnestly tried to.  And though it uses the same exact formula all these types of movies use — bad space/weather/nuclear-accident happens, lone scientist knows what’s up, nobody believes him at first, UNTIL THE FI-YAH!, then they eat a bunch of crow, and finally the scientist is given what he needs to save the world with a knuckle-whitening few seconds to spare — that hardly matters.  That’s what we rent these things for, right?  Plus, the acting in this one is surprisingly decent, and the story pretty satisfying overall.

Definitely one to stick in your pile next time you’re in the mood for a good-bad sci-fi flick to rent.  Which I’m sure is today — think about it for a minute.  Am I right or am I right?  Yeah, I thought so.

[Netflix it | Buy it]

Genre:  Science Fiction, Space Disaster
Cast:  Jack Coleman, Holly Dignard, Tyler Johnston

MOVIE: Descent (2005)

December 18, 2007

Nope, not the movie about the chicks who get stuck in the underground cave with the monsters (that Descent movie sucked, by the way — don’t get me started).  This is a made-for-TV sci-fi flick (three guesses who was in town this past weekend — hi, Mom!) about a group of scientists who have to drive a big drill twenty-five miles down into the Earth’s surface to try to set off some nukes to blow some tectonic plates back into position before they cause massive lava eruptions that wipe out the human race.

Stop — you’re thinking too much.  I can feel it from here.

Because, no, it made absolutely no scientific sense whatsoever.  In fact, it didn’t even really TRY to make any scientific sense.  But the characters weren’t bad — there were two geeks for comic relief, a Klingon disguised as an upper-echelon member of the U.S. military (Michael Dorn), a Beverly Hills rebel disguised as a PhD (Luke Perry, surprisingly believable as a smart person), and a misguided scientist who realizes his folly and sacrifices himself for the good of the world.   Plus, an evil guy gets his comeuppance, the good guys win, and Earth is saved.  What’s not to love?

In other words, we’ve seen worse.  We’ve also seen way, way better (frankly, I still think the best of the “drill to the center of the Earth” movies was 2000’s Deep Core starring Wil Wheaton and Craig Sheffer, and written/directed by our favorite sci-fi master, Phillip J. Roth — kicked the butt of 2003’s Hollywood feature The Core).  But if this one rolls around on the Sci-Fi Channel again, it might be worth setting the ol’ DVR for it.  If you like this sort of thing.

[Netflix me | Buy me]

Genre: Sci-Fi
Cast:  Michael Dorn, Luke Perry, Natalie Brown, Mimi Kuzyk

Final Four Movies from Thanksgiving

December 12, 2007

The four movies in this post are the last of the bunch I watched while on vacation over Thanksgiving (jeez, finally wrapping up this series at long last!).  I decided to group them all together into a single post because they were all ones I’d seen (and thus reviewed) in the last year or two.  Of the group, I think only Pan’shas a review on this blog — the rest would be in the Yahoo Group archives from back when I was sending out movie reviews to email subscribers. 

I’ve been ranking the movies from my vacation on a scale of 1-9, with 9 being the worst movie we watched (Nextwith Nic Cage!), and 1 being the best.  The numbers next to each movie’s title below represent their ranking numbers. 

#5:  Maximum Velocity (2003).  This is another one of Phillip J. Roth’s movies, a writer/director/producer whose name we always keep an eye out for when renting sci-fi movies, because in our experience, if Roth was involved, the movie is much more likely to be good-bad instead of bad-bad (as a matter of fact, sometimes his low-budget movies are even better than big-budget films about the same subject — for example, Roth’s flick Deep Core, starring the ever-awesome Wil Wheaton and Craig Sheffer, kicked the wussy butt of Hollywood crapfest The Core).  Of all the Roth movies we’ve seen, I think Maximum Velocity probably has the weakest science behind it, but it was still entertaining (both the first time we saw it, and this second time too).   In this one, Dale Midkiffplays a climatologist, Dr. Briggs, who is part of an experimental weather-related project that goes terribly awry and ends up causing the death of his wife.  A couple of years later, a terrible storm hits Earth, and scientists decide the only way to save the planet is to get that old project back out of the scrap heap and use it to alter the storm’s intensity and trajectory.  But, can they convince the project’s original scientist, Dr. Briggs, to come back and help?  It’s not brilliant, but it’s pretty fun, and fun is really the only criteria worth judging when watching low-budget sci-fi movies.  Besides, I’ll watch Dale Midkiff do just about anything, as evidenced by the fact I’ve seen Flight of the Living Dead.  Cast: Dale Midkiff, Michael Ironside, Wendy Carter.  [Netflix me]

#3 The Day After Tomorrow (2004).  Mom and I really enjoyed this movie the first time we saw it (right after it came out on DVD).  So, when both of us caught a scene or two of it on television in early November, it really put us in the mood to see the whole thing again.  Hence, rental.  As I’m sure you guys know, this flick is about a massive storm brought on by global warming that suddenly rages out of control, launching a new ice age and essentially freezing to the core the entire Northern hemisphere.  Struggling to survive the initial wave of the storm are a group of teenagers holed up in the New York City public library, while down in Washington DC, one of their fathers, a climatologist who had predicted the whole disaster, is attempting to walk his way through the blizzard to save his son.  It’s your standard big-budget Hollywood flick, with lots of special effects and a fair helping of cheese (and also, I will confess, an extremely silly scene involving some wolves).  But the science, though exaggerated, is actually not that far off track.  So, yes, it’s a little on the hokey side (okay, okay, a LOT on the hokey side), but it’s still really fun to watch.  See above, re: criteria.  And, of course, it’s always nice seeing Jake Gyllenhaal play a kid who ISN’T a mopey grump.  Way to break out of the mold, Jake!  Cast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Dennis Quaid, Emmy Rossum, Sela Ward, Ian Holm.  [Netflix me]

#2 Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995).  I had been planning to rent the NEW Die Hardmovie while I was on vacation, but as it turned out, my mom still hadn’t seen the third one.  So, we rented it instead.  I actually saw this movie in the theater — rare for me — and the reason I remember that is because on the drive home, my husband and I spent about ten minutes trying to figure out just how they solved that fountain problem in the movie.  You know that scene where McClane (Bruce Willis) and his reluctant civilian partner Zeus (Samuel L. Jackson) get to a big fountain in a park and learn from the bad guy (Jeremy Irons) that they have to put exactly four gallons of water on a scale he’s left there in order to defuse the bomb stashed underneath it?  He’s left them a 3 gallon jug and a 5 gallon jug and they have to somehow get exactly four gallons?  In the movie, they sort of whip through the solution to this problem really quickly, and we hadn’t quite caught how they managed to do it, so we had worked out the solution ourselves in the car ride home, feeling extremely smart once we had it figgered out.  Watching it this second time, I had forgotten our solution (that WAS 12 years ago, after all!) so we paused the movie right at that point and Mom and I worked it out together.  Took us a solid few minutes, too, despite the fact that once you have the solution, it seems really obvious and you feel like an idiot for not having come up with it sooner!  In any case, I love puzzles like that (in fact, I love logic puzzles so much I took the LSAT in college just so I could spend half a day working on them — nerd alert!).  So, for that scene alone, this is a movie worth watching.  But beyond that, it’s just a lot of fun.  I love Jackson’s character — or, more accurately, I just plain love Jackson (I’ve often wanted to make him a Boyfriend of the Week and have the entire write-up simply consist of the word COOL in twelve-inch letters).  And there’s a nice twist to the plot of this one as well.  Recommended! Cast: Bruce Willis, Jeremy Irons, Samuel L. Jackson, and who cares who else after that?  [Netflix me]

#1 Pan’s Labyrinth (2006).  When I first reviewed this movie last June, I predicted it would be ranked at #1 on my annual top-ten list of favorite movies from the past year.  After seeing it a second time, I not only predict that’ll happen, I knowit will  (I’ve written the top-ten list for the movies — still working on books — and it should be going up on the Boyfriend site next week, so stay tuned!).  I’m not going to bother describing it here, since I already wrote about it on this blog (see original review here!) and will be writing about it again for the Top Ten Movies list.  Suffice it to say if you haven’t seen this movie yet, you are REALLY missing out on an incredible experience.  Go rent this movie RIGHT NOW.  Seriously.  Right now.  Go.  I’ll wait. [Netflix me]

Okay, this wraps up the Thanksgiving Vacation Movie Fest!  Coming up next, reviews of a couple of newly-on-DVD flicks I watched this week, plus the annual Top Ten Favorite Movies, Top Five Favorite Bad Movies, and Top Ten Favorite Books lists on the Boyfriend of the Weeksite.  I also, incidentally, have the first Boyfriend for 2008 picked out — my hiatus from the Boyfriend site ends this January, so expect to start seeing a fresh crop of cute guys showing up in the new year!  Woot!

p.s. You know what’s ironic?  When you run the spellcheck here at WordPress, it highlights the word “blog” as a word it doesn’t recognize.  For some reason, I’m amused by this.