Archive for the ‘Michael Chiklis’ Category

Fall TV Update: Tuesday, Sept 25

September 25, 2012

So whatcha whatcha whatcha want (whatcha want)?  Well, hey, how about anything but this year’s Tuesday night line-up (ba-dum ching!)?

I mean, NCIS — fine.  FINE.  I’m still watching it, I still enjoy it for the most part, but truly, it could retire.  It’s really time for it to retire, guys.  NCIS: LA, on the other hand, should get fired, and should’ve been fired its first month — this is a crazy, crazy, mixed-up kinda world where that insufferable dreck survives and Pushing Daisies doesn’t.

As for New Girl, I keep hearing it’s great, and then I keep seeing that Zooey Deschanel iPhone ad and having to fight the urge to punch her in the face (which is only going to end up hurting me, because I still have an old CRT TV — you know, the ones with the glass screens?).  So, no.  Mindy Project, no.  Private Practice, GOOD GOD NO.  Ben and Kate, only if it’s renamed Ben and Kate Plus 8, Ben is an android, and the 8 are from the planet Melmac (wow, actually, I may be onto something there. . .).  And Vegas — well, now, Vegas.  I’ll get to that one in a second.


NCIS — 8pm (CBS) — Look, I’m still in love with Michael Weatherly, and with McGee even more.  And Abby — Abby’s great.  And please, Mark Harmon?  Mark Harmon can do no wrong, even when he’s playing Ted Bundy.  But Ducky — Ducky was my favorite character, and Ducky’s gone now, right?  So, what’s the point?  I think there is no point.  I CANNOT GO ON.   I MUST GO ON.  I CANNOT GO ON.  I WILL GO ON.  Crap.  Can’t you just get canceled and put me out of my misery?  Why you gotta hang in there so tight?

New Girl — 8pm (FOX) — “Hey, Siri, can you order me up some TOMATO SOUP because I’m SO DUMB I do not know how to use a can opener.”  *punch* *blood* *911 call* *17 stitches*

Ben and Kate — 8:30pm (FOX) — Sit-com starring an adorable kid and a guy with really weird teeth.  PASS! (FAIL!)

NCIS: LA — 9pm (CBS) — Every time I see an ad for this show, I cry a little bit for the man LL Lame J used to be.  Why couldn’t this show be good?  Chris O’Donnell!  LINDA HUNT, for pity’s sake!  But the Navy doesn’t have a super secret undercover crack detective team in Los Angeles loaded to the hilt with money for fast cars, gadgets, and costume changes, and I can’t just pocket that information and pretend it’s fine you’re being ridiculous!  Stop being ridiculous!  It’s just so ridiculous!

The Mindy Project — 9:30pm (FOX) — Because, why now?  I mean, it’s awesome, sure, that an Indian female comic is headlining her own show in the US.  But I kind of can’t stand that Indian female comic, so. . . Congratulations, please go away.  Am I terrible?  I’m terrible.  I’m sorry.

Private Practice — 9pm (ABC) — I was honestly surprised to see this was still in the line-up this fall.  What is this doing still in the line-up this fall?  Is it just me or do Tuesday nights really blow this  season?  This show is absolutely insufferable.  I made it through a record six episodes of season one before I couldn’t stand the churning sensation in my stomach every time a character spoke a line of vapid dialogue.  WHAT IS THIS SHOW STILL DOING HERE?  I blame you guys for this.  No, not YOU guys.  YOU OTHER GUYS.  You know, the ones who keep watching this thing!  YOU!  Cut that out, already!

Vegas — 10pm (CBS) —  Upside:  the cast.  Hunky Ex-Boyfriends Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis, together AND playing mortal enemies!  Ye-he-HES!  Downside: they’re playing mortal enemies in 1960s Vegas, and honestly, the likelihood of this primetime network TV show being even remotely as entertaining or interesting as Casino or GoodFellas is so teeny tiny it cannot be seen with the naked eye.  Upside:  Chiklis is playing a bad-ass again, which is great because after seeing him hitting people in the head with phone books for several years on The Shield, he’ll simply never square as The Commish for me ever again (although, having seen a few trailers and print ads for this, I’m not sold on his ability to pull of the 1960s mobster suit look, either).  Downside:  Quaid is playing a cowboy-turned-reluctant sheriff, a character I feel I’ve seen 97,000 times before (speaking of cowboy sheriffs, did you guys watch Longmire this summer, co-starring Ex-Boy/Girlfriend of the Week Katee Sackhoff?  I really enjoyed that one).  Oh, argh.  This is one of those shows I don’t really want to watch, but I feel like I should probably watch.  So, I’ll watch.  Let’s see what happens.


Fall TV Part 3: Sept 27-Oct 3 – PACE YOURSELVES

September 27, 2010

Luckily, this week gives us a chance to catch our breath after last week, which was, quite frankly, a little bit bananas.  All the new stuff has to start in the SAME WEEK?  You can’t space it out a little?  Make it last?  Whatever, networks.  Band-Aid rippers, clearly.

There are only a few new shows this week, but before I get to them, let me give you the quick skinny on what I’m giving a second chance and what I’ve already booted from my schedule.

Gets a Take-Two:

Hawaii Five-0 — First episode almost killed me with its cheese. That final scene where the camera slo-mo’d Grace Park smiling and twirling in her cute li’l outfit?  Puke-aroo.  But it wasn’t terrible and I like the actors (though, Alex O’Loughlin is not terribly impressive thus far — smack them acting chops into shape, Alex, I’ve seen you do a lot better than this).  And, what’s more, I like the setting.  It’s sunny and warm there.  That’s not worth nothing when you’re heading towards winter in Seattle.

Detroit 1-8-7 — MAJOR issues with this one already, like, for example, the new homicide detective who pukes at his first dead body scene, despite the fact he’d clearly been a beat cop for years and surely had seen much worse than that.  Really?  Please to not believe your audience is so dumb thanks.  Also, what gives with the fairly solid beginning and, as a friend called it, the “Jerry Bruckheimer” ending?  Pick one, guys.  Preferably this week.

The Whole Truth — It’s not great, but it didn’t suck, either.  I watched the whole thing, unoriginal as it was.  I like Maura Tierney and her new hairdo, and while Rob Morrow seemed a little unsure of how much to play up the New York/New Jersey thing, he might settle in, mellow out.  It’s nice to see him be a bit of a goof for a change, at the very least.  But it’s going to need better storylines if it’s going to hold my attention.

Outlaw — SURPRISE!  I’ve seen the first two episodes of this one and I’m really enjoying it.  Jimmy Smits is doing a good job in his role as an ex-Supreme Court justice who has returned to the lawyer side of the bench.  And the Arizona cop vs. racially-profiled Hispanic case was timely without having the feeling of a “ripped from the headlines because we’re out of our own ideas already!” thing.  I also thought the writing was pretty sharp — good banter.   So far, best new legal show of the year, in my opinion — though admittedly, that is not saying much.


Blue Bloods — I watched the whole episode, and a mere three days later, I couldn’t tell you a damn thing about it.  Not a good sign.
Lone Star
— Still waiting on my DVR, which is also not a good sign.  Can’t muster requisite enthusiasm for this one’s story.
The Event
— Did not go there.
— Bored in under 8 minutes.
The Defenders
— Also bored in under 8 minutes, though I hear it got better after that so I might try again.

And now, coming up this week:

Tuesday, September 28

The Good Wife – CBS, 9pm
Stargate Universe – SyFy, 9pm

No Ordinary Family – ABC – 8pm — You know I love Michael Chiklis.  The problem is, I’m burned out on superheroes after the whole Heroes debacle.  What a disappointment.  If it ends up being the hit show of the year, though, I’ll be in for a DVD catch-up this summer.

Wednesday, September 29

Law & Order: Los Angeles – NBC – 10pm — I was going to be all, “No way in hell” when it came to this one.  We need another Law & Order?  No.  No, sir, I’m pretty sure we don’t, in fact.   But then I ran into three problems:  Skeet Ulrich, Alfred Molina, and Terrence Howard.  Well, hell, NBC, if you’re gonna go all Terrence HOWARD on me . . . Damn.

Friday, October 1

Returning: Human Target – Fox – 8pm

Sunday, October 3

American Dad
– Fox – 9:30pm
CSI:Miami – CBS, 10pm

Fall TV Boyfriend Alert!

August 10, 2010


It’ll be a few more weeks before I get serious about Fall TV, but since I skipped summer TV altogether (current favorite, by the way, is Louie on FX), I thought I’d at least send out a teaser about some exciting coming attractions.  Namely, a whole heap of new shows slated to start in a month or two that feature ex-Boyfriends of the Week!

Head’s up, people!  There’s some serious cute coming your way this fall!  Detailed descriptions of all these shows coming soon when I dive into the Fall TV swimming pool for reals.


Monday nights, for example, will be bringing us Lone Star, starring ex-Older-Boyfriend David Keith, as well as the Hawaii 5-0 remake featuring Alex O’Loughlin.

Tuesdays will have No Ordinary Family with Michael Chiklis, though I will confess I saw an ad for this show recently and it looks like an ABC Family version of Heroes — meh, will likely skip this one.  Thinking ’bout it.


Wednesdays include The Defenders with Jerry O’Connell, who I hope has eaten a few cheeseburgers since I last saw him without his shirt off on Crossing Jordan (yeesh, Skeletor!).  And I absolutely cannot WAIT for Hellcats as it will star the delightful Ben Browder (dang — see comments for correction of this). Then we’ll have Undercover (the new J.J. Abrams series) with Gerald McRaney (ooh rah!), or (good lord), yet ANOTHER Law & Order, this time in LA, featuring Skeet Ulrich (yippie!).  All in all, Wednesdays look pretty delicious.

Nada much on Thursdays in the way of ex-Boyfriends, but Friday’s got three old beaus:  Blue Bloods with Tom Selleck and Donnie Wahlberg, and Outlaw with Jimmy Smits.


Also, just in case you were wondering who’d try to snag him next, James Tupper of the crazy-gorgeous eye crinkles, will be doing a few-episode arc on Grey’s Anatomy.  Here’s hoping McCrinkly gets a season pass — he’s had some practice now with the medical jargon, after all.

Are you ready?  Man, I am SO READY.

MOVIE: The Reaping (2007)

October 20, 2007

Here’s how this movie goes:

Bad — wow, BAD — baaaaad — huh, interesting — good — good — goooooood — good — wait, what? — okay, I suppose that makes. . . — no, stop, I was wrong, that makes no sense whatsoever — come on, seriously? — bad — bad — baaaaaad — oh for pity’s sake — bad — you’ve got to be kidding me — hilariously bad — I am now dying from the hilarious badness — bad — WOW, bad.

Now, THAT’s more like it, people!

As you can see from the above timeline, this movie starts off bad, improves somewhat, and then rapidly spirals into a total pit of ridiculousness. It’s about an ordained minister named Katherine (Hilary Swank) who several years ago decided God wanted her to take her husband and young daughter to the Sudan so she could help the starving, dying Sudanese find religion and be saved. After a year of drought, the Sudanese became desperate, as the starving and dying are wont to do, and when sacrificing goats didn’t save their crops, they decided to sacrifice Katherine’s husband and daughter instead. Horrified, Katherine “turned her back on God,” and has in the interim years rededicated her life to traveling around debunking “miracles” using scientific facts.

Already, this gets me off on the wrong foot with this flick, because within ten minutes, I have already decided Katherine is an insufferable solipsist — she’s fine with God as long as he only kills OTHER people’s families and children, but when he kills HER kid, he crosses a serious line? Now y’all understand why I’m a Pastafarian.

Nevertheless, once the movie got into the main part of the story, I confess I began getting a little intrigued. One day, while giving a lecture, a man approaches her and begs her to come to his small Southern town, Haven, to help them figure out what is happening there. A little girl has been accused of working for Satan and unleashing the infamous Biblical “ten plagues” on the town, beginning with the local river’s conversion from water to blood. Spoooooky. And also, gross. Good combo!

Kate and her partner agree to go check it out and, at first, seem to think the town’s plagues really can be explained with science (there’s a scene in which Kate runs through all ten ancient Egyptian plagues and provides a scientifically-logical hypothesis to explain each one of them in succession — and, incidentally, there is also an interesting little documentary about this very thing in the Special Features section that is worth checking out). This, I felt, was a somewhat intriguing concept, and I settled in for the ride and stopped snarking for a good twenty or thirty minutes.

But once the lice hit, things started to go downhill. Suddenly, there’s a Satanic cult cropping up, and Kate’s old Catholic priest friend is calling her to tell her only someone who TRULY believes in God can stop the devil from blah blah blah. There’s a cheesy scene that made me groan with agony in which the little girl every one thought was the devil was revealed to be something else entirely. And then there was the final duke-out between good and evil — a scene that made me start laughing uncontrollably.

It was at that point my husband came into the room and asked if this was REALLY how the whole weekend was going to go (screams emanating from the TV coupled with hysterical laughter emanating from me), and couldn’t we go see Michael Clayton this weekend in the theater to try to get a little balance?

Whatever, man.

In any case, this movie is of the genre I would describe as “watchably bad.” That is, it is not bad-bad (“unwatchably bad”), and yet it is also not “good bad.” It takes itself far too seriously for “good bad” status, but at the same time, it wasn’t so utterly awful I was sorry I’d sat through the whole thing.

How’s THAT for dubious praise?

In any case, the movie primarily left me in awe of the fact that multiple Academy Awards doesn’t seem to impact in any way an actress’s sense of what makes a good film. Because, unless Swank took this role just because she’s always WANTED to be in a “watchably bad” horror movie, I’m not sure how to explain her presence in this. I thought that girl had a solid head on her shoulders — was I wrong about that, Hills?

Then again, it’s always the big budget horror movies with the famous actors that turn out to be the most entertainingly bad, in my experience. Something about watching the big stars make fools of themselves just never gets old for me. Which is why I have three more such movies sitting in a pile by my right elbow at this very moment.

So, stay tuned for more bad horror movies, featuring John Cusack, Emily Blunt, and Michael Chiklis, coming soon. Oh, and also a good (I hear, anyway), non-horror movie, George Clooney’s Michael Clayton, which I have reluctantly agreed to go see at some point this weekend for the sake of my spouse’s sanity.

[Netflix me | Buy me]

Genre: Watchably bad horror

Cast: Hilary Swank, David Morrissey, Stephen Rea, Lara Grice, Idrice Elba