Archive for the ‘Ethan Hawke’ Category

MOVIE: Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon (2008)

March 2, 2009

yetiOkay, you know how last week I said I’d be reviewing this brilliant piece of celluloid “tomorrow”?  You guys know that by “tomorrow,” I actually mean “sometime in the current year,” right?  Just like by “Boyfriend of the Week,” I actually mean, “Boyfriend of the Whenever the Heck I Get Around To It”?

Thought so.  But I know you guys don’t mind — as one commenter recently said (much to my delight), you all prefer quality over quantity, and would rather my posts be few and far between as long as they remain as AWESOME as they are right now.

Okay, okay, she didn’t actually use the word “AWESOME,” but I know she was thinking it.  And I know she is also 100% totally right.  RIGHT?

Right.

So, now, at long last, my comments on Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon.

You know way back when you first saw that Ethan Hawke film Alive about the soccer team that crashes in the Andes and resorts to cannibalism to stay alive?  Raise your hand if you too thought to yourself, “Hey, you know what would make this movie truly great?  If they added a YETI to it!”

I know!  Me too!  And so as well, apparently, did screenplaywright Rafael Jordan.

Because this movie, as ridiculous as it sounds (and is, I might add), is essentially one giant rip-off of Alive. . . WITH YETIS! (TWO of them, no less!)

So, that kind of takes care of the plot description, right?   Alive with Yetis?  Therefore, instead of getting into story details, I’m simply going to list my favorite parts of this incredibly wonderfully bad movie:

1.  Peter DeLuise is in it!  OMG OMG OMG!  He’s so cute, LOL!  While most fans of 21 Jump Street were all ga-ga over Johnny Depp, my favorite character from day one was always, always Doug Penhall.  Doug was dorky!  He was goofy!  He was silly!  He was totally adorable!  He was the Costello to Depp’s overly-serious Abbott.  I always fall for the Costello.  Costellos are my weakness.

But aside from Jump Street and a solitary episode of Supernatural, I can’t tell you a single other thing I’ve ever seen Peter in.  So, when I saw he was in THIS, I confess I was not really sure what to expect.  Guess what, though.  He was AWESOME!  And soooooo good-lookin’.  He has aged extremely nicely.  Extremely, extremely nicely, my friends.  Anyway, in Yeti, he plays a ranger dude who has to hike in for three days with his partner to try to reach the plane crash victims, and, once they get there, he teams up with the victims to help them battle the deadly Yetis.  It’s totally awesome.

Until one of the Yetis rips him to pieces.  That part sucked.  If only because it took away the only character in this movie I was actually rooting for (besides the Yetis, of course).

2.  The crash victims (happily this time comprising both boys AND girls because you can’t have a cheesy monster movie without some gratuitous smooching scenes) go approximately 24 hours without food before they decide it’s time to turn their dead friends into Soylent Green.  The guy who talks the rest of them into it is all, “Man, we ran out of Power Bars, like, YESTERDAY, peeps!  We’re going to starve to death!  Even though the woods all around us appear to be chock full of bunnies we could catch and kill if only we’d paid attention to that one rabbit-snare episode of Survivorman!  But, alas, we did not.  So, in that case, I vote for eating Joe first because his butt’s the biggest.”

3.  I watched this movie on the Sci-Fi Network, not on DVD, and I must say, I heartily recommend going that route.  You know why?  The irony.  The irony of television editing out the word “God” whenever it is used (“God forsaken woods,” e.g.), but leaving in the scene in which the Yeti twists a man’s leg so violently it rips off at the hip, shooting blood all over the place.   Does this not perfectly sum up American society, or what?

4.  The tag line:  “Surviving the crash was only the beginning. . .  MUA HA HA HA HA!”  (Note: I added that last bit.)

Oh man, this movie is awesome.  Keep an eye out for it to come back around on Sci-Fi, or pick up the DVD and edit out all the “God” parts yourself, for the full effect.  Either way, you are in for a really good-bad time.

[Netflix me | Buy me]

Genre:  Horror
Cast:  Peter DeLuise!!  Josh Emerson, Ona Grauer, Elfina Luk, Brandon Jay McLaren, Adam O’Byrne