Archive for the ‘Jerry O’Connell’ Category

Fall TV Part 2a: The Onslaught Begins (Mon, 9/20 to Wed, 9/22)

September 20, 2010

The TV Avalanche is upon us!  DUCK AND COVER!

I’ll be breaking this week’s TV post into two installments — here’s Part A, which covers Mon-Wed.  Part B will come out Thursday and catch you up on the end of the week.

Also, I’m breaking shows for each night into two categories:  Returning and New.  If a returning show has an asterisk next to it, it’s one I’m planning to watch.  Other than that, I won’t take up your time by commenting on the old stuff.

Monday, September 20

Chuck – NBC – 8pm
Dancing with the Stars – ABC – 9pm
* House – Fox – 8pm
How I Met Your Mother – CBS – 8pm
Rules of Engagement – CBS – 8:30pm
* Castle – ABC – 10pm (Lick, lick on Nathan Fillion’s nose, slurrrp!)


The Event – NBC – 9pm
Okay, look, I just can’t do it.  I cannot get sucked into this show.  I know what’s going to happen to this show (boot!) and I refuse to play along.  If Joseph Fiennes couldn’t keep people watching Flash Forward, what makes NBC think Jason Ritter and Laura Innes can do any better?  I mean, they’re nice and all, but they’re not exactly big draws.  And they’re certainly not big enough to conquer the wariness people have about these long-range-plans shows.  Invest lots and lots of time and bam!, you will be rewarded with no ending whatsoever.  THANKS FOR NOTHING, NETWORKS.  Forget it.  I’m out.

If The Event thrives and becomes the talk of the nation the way Lost was at first, I’ll consider catching up on DVD this summer and launching in full-steam ahead for season two.  Otherwise, I’m just going to ignore the whole thing so I don’t get burned YET AGAIN.

Lone Star – FOX- 9pm
This series, about a con man who has meticulously constructed two different lives for himself (two different jobs, two different families, two enormous piles of lies), might be worth watching for Jon Voight and David Keith.  Plus, con stories can be fun.  But this show has the potential to go in a sappy direction (apparently, he really loves either one or both of his marks), and that could be pretty lame.  I’ll give this one a couple of episodes and reassess later.

Mike & Molly – CBS 9:30pm
Two working class Chicago singles find love at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting in this sit-com.  I’m not a big sit-com watcher and am unlikely to bother with this one, but at least it sounds like it might have some good body-positive themes to it.  Let me know if you like it and I’ll give it a shot.

Chase – NBC – 10pm
This one’s about a female U.S. Marshall in charge of a team that includes your standard tough guy, intelligence guy, weapons/tactics lady, and more.  Cole Hauser co-stars, which is why I’ll be tuning in.  I’m sure this is just going to be standard crime drama fare, and it’ll have to be extremely well-written if it’s going to hold my attention.  But if it’s snappy, smart, and creative?  I’ll sign up for the long haul.  Kind of like these teamwork shows — lots of room for different types of characters and growth.

Hawaii Five-0 – CBS – 10pm
Oh, you know I’ll be tuning in for this one.  How could I not?  If nothing else, Alex O’Loughlin, Daniel Dae Kim, and Scott Caan provide an awful lot of eye-candy.  That alone might keep my interest piqued at least for a few episodes while the show gets a bit steadier on its feet (I’ve read the pilot is a bit of a disappointment, but most pilots are, right?  All that set-up work getting in the way of the fun stuff?).  If this is good, it’ll be really fun.  The question is:  will it be GOOD?  I’m game to find out.  At least for a few weeks.

Tuesday, September 21

The Biggest Loser – NBC – 8pm
Glee – Fox – 8pm
*NCIS – CBS – 8pm
NCIS: LA – CBS – 9pm

Raising Hope – Fox – 9pm
Sit-com about a 23 year-old guy who still lives with his parents.  Looooooser.

Running Wilde – Fox – 9:30pm
Sit-com starring Will Arnett from Arrested Development, as a rich, immature playboy trying to win (or buy) the heart of his childhood sweetheart (Keri Russell).  This could be funny, if only because the cast is good, but again, I’m not much of a sit-com fan and probably won’t bother here unless reports are overwhelmingly glowing.

Detroit 1-8-7 – ABC – 10pm
Another “gritty crime drama” this time set on the streets of Detroit.  It’s got a great cast:  Michael Imperioli from The Sopranos, James McDaniel from NYPD Blue, and Aisha Hinds from True Blood, but the description on the web site kind of makes it sound like every other “gritty crime drama” ever made (also, Hinds’s character is described as “sexy, edgy, and beautiful” which has me bored already).  I’ll tune in for 2-3 episodes (my standard for trying a new series — one cannot judge a new show by its pilot alone), but please, Detroit 1-8-7, kick some ass for me, would you?  Let’s see what you can do when you’re in charge of a whole show, Cristahfah.

Wednesday, September 22

Hell’s Kitchen – Fox – 8pm
The Middle – ABC – 8pm
*Criminal Minds – CBS – 9pm
*Law & Order: SVU – NBC – 9pm
*Modern Family – ABC – 9pm
Cougar Town – ABC – 9:30pm

Just a quick note on tonight’s returning shows:  I don’t know why I’m still watching Criminal Minds or SVU.  Don’t ask me.  I just can’t stop.  Even though they are terrible. Terrible!  TERRIBLE!  Argh.  Torment.

Modern Family, on the other hand, is an absolute DELIGHT and is the only sit-com I’m watching regularly these days.  I came into it late last season, dismissing it initially as being yet another sit-com about dysfunctional families.  But no — this show is hilarious and sweet and so, so good.  I laugh out loud all the time.  Wednesday night cannot come fast enough for me!  I need a good Dunphy chortle, and I need it ASAP!

Undercovers – NBC – 8pm
This is the newest series by J.J. Abrams, which is excuse enough to tune in.  It’s about two CIA agents who get married, quit the spy game, and open a catering company instead.  But when their best pal, a fellow spy, disappears, they decide it’s time to go back to what they do best — espionage — to try to rescue him.  I love a good spy show, and I’m hoping this one qualifies — my only concern is the incredibly lame double entendre of the title, which makes me worry this may be not as sharply written as, say, Alias was.  Dorksville, USA, writers.  Don’t make that kind of schlock a habit, yes?  Fingers crossed!

Better With You – ABC – 8:30pm
Sit-com about two sisters whose lives are on very different paths — one is unmarried but in a long-term relationship, the other one is recently engaged to a guy she’s only know for seven weeks.  Hilarity ensues.  I guess?  Blah. Yawn.

The Defenders – CBS – 10pm
This lawyer drama is about two Las Vegas defense attorneys, played by Jerry O’Connell and Jim Belushi.  One is serious and focused, the other crazy about fast cars and hot ladies.  Watch them butt heads on cases!  “Hey, live a little!”  “Hey, buckle down!”  I can see where this one is headed, and so can you, but with Jim Belushi and Jerry O’Connell involved, it might be an entertaining ride at least.  I may or may not bother — I’m going to fly by the seat of my pants on this one.

The Whole Truth – ABC – 10pm
Former law school classmates turned bitter rivals, New York prosecutor Kathryn Peale and hotshot defense lawyer Jimmy Brogan square off in high-profile cases.  You just know they’re gonna fall in love.  Rob Morrow and Maura Tierney are the two draws for this one — it’s a little hard for me to picture them having any chemistry, but I do love Tierney’s new hair (post-chemotherapy).

Possibly worth a shot, but man, can’t anybody think up anything new anymore?  I feel like I’ve seen every one of this week’s premieres a hundred times already.  I sense this is going to be the Season of Yawn for network television.  Creativity gets punished on the networks (Pushing Daisies, for example) — is mediocrity really the only thing that sells anymore?  Take some risks, for pity’s sake.  I’m bored over here!

IN ANY CASE, come back here Thursday for what’s happening the rest of the week, and hitten zee comments for discussion.  *mwah*


MOVIE: Piranha 3-D (2010)

August 27, 2010

Okay, sure, you can make a case for me simply being foolish.  I mean, who goes to a movie named Piranha 3-D expecting it to be good, after all?  Only a fool!  A crazy person!  A complete madman!

But, but. . . BUT!

In my defense, I had fully expected this one to suck — UNTIL the reviews started to pour in last week.  In my experience, critics don’t tend to like most horror flicks, and for that reason alone, my plan had been to avoid reading anything those wankers had to say in the first place.  Why bother when you already know their nature is to knee-jerk with a pan on principle, right?  Snobs.

Imagine my surprise, then, when a reader forwarded me this rave review from Associated Press reporter Christy Lemire:   “Mere words cannot describe how awesomely gnarly Piranha 3D is, how hugely entertaining and how urgently you must get yourself to the theater to see it. Like, now.”

Say what?  “Awesomely gnarly”?  She even talks like me!  Curious, I started poking around and, sure enough, the critics were mostly kinda NOT hating on this one too much.  And that’s when I made the neverfailingly tragic mistake of getting my hopes up.  WILL I NEVER LEARN?

Apparently not.

The first few minutes of Piranha 3-D seemed only to confirm Lemire’s review, with a witty nod at Jaws that boosted my hopes all the more.  The filmmakers must be true fans, I said to myself, and everybody knows true fans of Jaws are among the smartest, most talented people in the world.  (Ahem.)

But as the Jawsaphors continued to pile up (not just in the script, but also in the camera work), the whole thing started to feel less like an homage to one of my all-time favorite films, and more like evidence the Piranha 3-D filmmakers couldn’t be bothered to come up with their own ideas — consumed, as they clearly were, by trying to maximize the number of jiggling, naked boobies they could cram into 88 minutes of film. (Some of those boobies, frankly, I found scarier than the prehistoric piranhas trying to munch on them.  Not a good sign, ladies.)

In my opinion, to really get into a horror flick, you have to have someone to root for.  It doesn’t always have to be the good guy — I mean, who among us wasn’t totally rooting for Junkbucket in Junkbucket, after all? — but you have to give a rat’s ass about somebody.  Giving the ass of that rat (just what IS the origin of that expression, anyway?)  requires some semblance of character development, no semblance of which can be found in this movie, despite the near-heroic attempts of both Elizabeth Shue and Ving Rhames.  By the end, the only thing I was rooting for anymore (aside from the closing credits, of course) was that the two little kids would become fish food, because at least killing off children would be somewhat original.

Also, for the record — Things I Do Not Need to See in 3-D: vomit, dismembered penises, Eli Roth.

Speaking of which, despite the fact this movie is titled Piranha 3-D, the 3-D effects were clearly added after filming was complete, tossed in at seemingly random, unplanned moments, making them superfluous at best and irritatingly distracting the rest of the time.  Frankly, I’m at the point now where if a film advertised it was going to be shown in TWO! AMAZING! DIMENSIONS!,  I’d be far more willing to shell out the extra five bucks for my ticket.

In other words: 3-D fad, I wash my hands of you.  You and I are finished.  Done. Kaput.  It’s over.  Stop texting me.

That said, I am pleased to report there was one good thing that came out of my Piranha 3-D experience.  You know those new full-body x-ray scanners showing up in airports nowadays?  The ones that give the security staff a vivid view of all your naughty bits?  I have stopped caring about this.  Because after 88 minutes of naked ladies! naked ladies! naked ladies! (including two who could make out underwater for ten minutes without ever coming up for air — neat trick!), I became completely immune to the titillation.  I give those x-ray officers three 8-hour shifts before looking at boobs becomes the most boring task on the planet.

I feel kind of bad for those guys.  Also: gynecologists.

This movie is definitely what I would describe as “awesomely gnarly” — except that I don’t mean that in a good way.  Frankly, Ms. Lemire, I haven’t been this disappointed by mainstream media praise for a horror movie since Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.  Fie on you.

Friends:  Save your hard-earned money and go rent Jaws instead.  All the Richard Dreyfus, nary a one of the wet tee-shirt contests!

Enemies:  You’ll love it!  Try the IMAX theater!

[Prequeue at Netflix | View trailer]

Genre: Horror, 3-D
Cast: Richard Dreyfuss, Ving Rhames, Elisabeth Shue, Adam Scott, Christopher Lloyd, Eli Roth, Jerry O’Connell, Steven R. McQueen

Fall TV Boyfriend Alert!

August 10, 2010


It’ll be a few more weeks before I get serious about Fall TV, but since I skipped summer TV altogether (current favorite, by the way, is Louie on FX), I thought I’d at least send out a teaser about some exciting coming attractions.  Namely, a whole heap of new shows slated to start in a month or two that feature ex-Boyfriends of the Week!

Head’s up, people!  There’s some serious cute coming your way this fall!  Detailed descriptions of all these shows coming soon when I dive into the Fall TV swimming pool for reals.


Monday nights, for example, will be bringing us Lone Star, starring ex-Older-Boyfriend David Keith, as well as the Hawaii 5-0 remake featuring Alex O’Loughlin.

Tuesdays will have No Ordinary Family with Michael Chiklis, though I will confess I saw an ad for this show recently and it looks like an ABC Family version of Heroes — meh, will likely skip this one.  Thinking ’bout it.


Wednesdays include The Defenders with Jerry O’Connell, who I hope has eaten a few cheeseburgers since I last saw him without his shirt off on Crossing Jordan (yeesh, Skeletor!).  And I absolutely cannot WAIT for Hellcats as it will star the delightful Ben Browder (dang — see comments for correction of this). Then we’ll have Undercover (the new J.J. Abrams series) with Gerald McRaney (ooh rah!), or (good lord), yet ANOTHER Law & Order, this time in LA, featuring Skeet Ulrich (yippie!).  All in all, Wednesdays look pretty delicious.

Nada much on Thursdays in the way of ex-Boyfriends, but Friday’s got three old beaus:  Blue Bloods with Tom Selleck and Donnie Wahlberg, and Outlaw with Jimmy Smits.


Also, just in case you were wondering who’d try to snag him next, James Tupper of the crazy-gorgeous eye crinkles, will be doing a few-episode arc on Grey’s Anatomy.  Here’s hoping McCrinkly gets a season pass — he’s had some practice now with the medical jargon, after all.

Are you ready?  Man, I am SO READY.