Archive for the ‘Dylan McDermott’ Category

Fall TV Week Two Part 1: Attack of the “Wait, This Is Still On?”s

September 23, 2013

tvset1Fall TV Week Two is the week of new- and returning-series onslaught, so I’ll be doing two days at a time instead of trying to cram the whole week into a single post.

Just as a quick update about last week’s stuff first, though.  There are two new shows still set to record on my DVR:  Sleepy Hollow and Brooklyn Nine Nine.  (Dads I didn’t last 30 seconds through due to a combination of insufferable inanity and the use of a laugh track.)

Brooklyn is not flawless, but it made me laugh out loud, which is not easy to do if you’re a sit-com.  I’ll keep it around a while at least.

sleepyhollowAs for Sleepy Hollow, I was actually pretty surprised by how much I enjoyed that one.  It’s silly and fun, though I have no idea how they are going to make it last a whole season, let alone multiple, when there’s only one bad guy and he seems to have a pretty limited agenda.

Then again, there was a scene in episode one in which Ichabod picked up a Book of Great Importance and said to the cop lady, “It is prophesied that we will be working together to destroy evil for seven years, because the dude who wrote this line in the script is a super-big optimist when it comes to pilot season ratings.”  So, you know, apparently there’s some kind of plan.

Whatever.  I’m game until I’m not game anymore, whenever that might be.  Here’s what’s coming up today and tomorrow.  WEEK TWO IS GO!

Monday, September 23

how-i-met-your-motherHow I Met Your Mother – 8pm (CBS) — Wait, this is still on? I feel like this has been on for one bajillion years.

The Voice – 8pm (NBC) — This one just won an Emmy last night, I have heard, but I’m still not taking on another singing competition series.  I can only take just so much singing, and even then, only when it’s me and I’m in the car.

2 Broke Girls– 9pm (CBS) — Wait, THIS is still on?  This survived a first AND a second season?  My head hurts.

momMom – 9:30pm (CBS) — This new sitcom is about a single mother who, after going into recovery for alcoholism, moves to a new town and tries to stay sober while raising her two kids and interacting with her passive-aggressive mother.  There’s only one reason to try this series, and that reason is Allison Janney.  And even there, I am dubious.  I don’t know.  I’ll think about it. (Incidentally, whatever you do, don’t Google the phrase “Mom series,” unless you’re a fan of “sexy cougar sex pics.” I regret that Google search with all my heart.)

hostagesHostages – 10pm (CBS) — Toni Collette!  That’s all I need to know!  (Plotwise, this one is about a mom whose family is taken hostage by a rogue FBI agent who wants her to assassinate the president.  Dylan McDermott is the rogue agent, which means there will be a lot of furious ranting and facial grimacing.  He’s SUPER good at that, though, so count me in.)

blacklistThe Blacklist – 10pm (NBC) — This show has generated a lot of positive buzz in the weeks leading up to tonight’s premiere.  It’s about an ex-government agent (James Spader) who has gone into private practice, brokering deals for criminals around the globe.  There’s an FBI team trying to git ‘im.  And something about a terrorist, because THIS is AMERICA.  I’m not a huge fan of Old Weird James Spader, but I’ll definitely be giving this one a shot.

Castle – 10pm (ABC) — This is still on, and you have Nathan Fillion’s nose to thank for it.  (It says “You’re welcome.”)

Tuesday, September 24

ncisNCIS – 8pm (CBS) — Thankfully, NCIS returns to us this year sans agent Ziva “I Speak Perfect English Except When It’s Funnier If I Don’t” David.  Who will replace her?   You know what would be awesome?  A female version of McGee.  A McGirl.  Or a librarian.  Or me, is what I’m saying.  ME.  I have a feeling that won’t be the direction they go in, but one never knows.

shieldMarvel’s Agents of SHIELD – 8pm (ABC) — You know how last week I said Sleepy Hollow was the only new TV show I was excited about?  I lied!  Because I totally forgot about this one!  This new Joss Whedon series follows Agent Phil Coulson, last seen in the movie The Avengers, as he puts together a select group of other agents and they investigate a bunch of weird stuff.  I don’t know.  I don’t even care.  All I know is that I love Joss Whedon and I love Clark Gregg, and I’m pretty much game for whatever they want to do with this one.  Bring it ON.

NCIS: Los Angeles – 9pm (CBS) — Wait, seriously? I’m being serious now.  THIS IS STILL ON?  Who’s watching this? Cut it out!  This show is terrible!

goldbergsThe Goldbergs – 9pm (ABC) — I don’t need to watch a show about an adorable 80s family, I LIVED IT.

Trophy Wife – 9:30pm (ABC) — Almost as appealing to me as Cougar Town, which is to say: not at all, and for many of the same reasons.

lucky7Lucky 7 – 10pm (ABC) — This drama is about a group of people who win the lottery together and have to deal with the fallout in their personal lives.  You know, just like NBC’s Windfall in 2006, only minus Luke Perry which: good luck, ABC.

Person of Interest – 10pm (CBS) — Wait, this show is still on?  Something-something-Jim-Caviezel-argh.

chicagofireChicago Fire – 10pm (NBC) — Firemen are awesome.  But I didn’t make it through two episodes of this show last year and I’ll tell you why: you just can’t go from Rescue Me to Chicago Fire.  It can’t be done.  Once you go Rescue Me, there’s just no going back.  And there’s not a thing I can do about it, I’m sorry.

Fangasm – 10pm (Syfy) — As a rule, I’m against all things “-gasm” or “-gate,” but beyond that, this show sounds pretty dumb.  It’s a reality program about a bunch of pop culture nerds living in an apartment together and working for Stan Lee.  I don’t know.  You watch it.  I’ll be over here not watching it.  Stan Lee, cut it out, you goob.

Check back Wednesday for more!  And if you have any opinions about any of these or last week’s newbies, hitten zee comments!

Fall TV Premieres: Oct. 3-9, 2011

October 4, 2011

I’m back!  Quick update on what we’ve seen so far:

Digging So Far

Ringer — It’s not brilliant, but I’m actually pretty sold so far, in no small part because Ioan Gruffud is so ridiculously good-looking.  However, after that terrible CGI boat scene (complete with fan pointed at her hair!) from the pilot, the show apparently lost about a gazillion of its gazillion-and-one viewers, so I’m sure it’s doomed.  The Curse of Meg Wood strikes again.

Terra Nova — It’s not brilliant, but I’m actually pretty sold so far.  Hey, that sounds familiar.  I was worried this show was just going to be Land of the Lost Redux, all man v. dinosaur, all the time.  But instead, the added twist of The Sixers group makes it a lot more interesting.  I’m definitely game for a few more episodes at least.  Though, again, it’s not doing well, so I’m sure it’s doomed too.  WHY ME?

Unforgettable — Much as I loathe Poppy Montgomery, I kind of enjoyed this one.  Somehow managed not to record last week’s episode, though, so I’ll have to see at least one more before I put in a verdict.

Prime Suspect —  I DID NOT HATE IT.  However,  though I realize it’s trying to be true to the original by having the entire police department be staffed with open misogynists, I have a hard time believing this is truly possible in this day and age.  Closeted misogynists, yes.  Open misogynists: a law suit waiting to happen.  Also problematic:  The actual plot of the pilot (the case she was on) wasn’t very engaging.  But I like some other elements of the series (for example, it’s refreshing to see a tough female lead who has a steady boyfriend — usually, it seems to be assumed that tough females in positions of power are hopeless when it comes to relationships, which, f-you, networks).  I’ll stick with it for now.

Up All Night —  Kind of liking this one.  I might get tired of it, but it’s nice having a quick 30 minute thing to fill in random early mornings here and there.  Plus, it’s truly funny at times, and the couple reminds me a bit of my sister and her husband.  Minus, the friend character (Ada) is potentially too annoying for me.  Jury’s out.

Given Up On:

A Gifted Man —  I didn’t last ten minutes.

Pan Am, Playboy, Revenge, other soaps:  Didn’t bother with at all.

Not Sure Yet:

Person of Interest:  Been recording this one, but I haven’t been in the mood for it yet.  Not a good sign.  I’ll give it a shot later this week and report back, though.  Anybody digging it so far?

Coming up this week!

Monday, October 3

House (Fox) — 9pm — I quit watching House a few seasons ago (back when the season’s long-running storyline was about the cop trying to bust him for drug-seeking; I’ve talked about this before so I’ll spare you the lecture this round), but got sucked back in last year and enjoyed it.  However, this season, House starts out in prison, and I’m already kinda done before I’ve begun.  It’s getting harder and harder for me to suspend my disbelief with this series.  Bad enough House’s diagnoses are wrong 95% of the time (when’s the last time he got anything right before the patient was near-death?), but the fact he keeps getting into this kind of trouble and then getting his job back is just ludicrous.  I don’t want a guy who hallucinates as my doctor.  I don’t want an ex-con as my doctor.  This guy would never get to be a doctor anymore.  This is just getting silly.  Put him on some water skis and have him jump a shark — let’s get this over with already.

Wednesday, October 5

American Horror Story (FX) — 10pm –Man, NO idea what to expect from this one.  It’s about a family who moves into a haunted house, and apparently, the craziness starts off bang-zoom and is super-duper massively crazy (created by the same guy who did Nip/Tuck, Ryan Murphy, so the crazy part makes sense).  But though Dylan McDermott is an old Boyfriend of the Week, he’s also a terrible actor, and I definitely can’t see him being successful as the lead of a horror series.  Then again, this is an FX show, and FX can do seriously bananas stuff and have it turn out pretty well (The Shield, e.g.).  I’m intrigued, but I’m not getting my hopes up.  A really creative horror show would be a blast (The Walking Dead, speaking of which, returns the 16th; stay tuned!).  But can FX really pull it off?  Can McDermott?  Can Jessica Lange?  (Okay, Jessica Lange does kind of creep me out.)  We shall see.

Thursday, October 6

The League (FX) — 10:30pm –Returning series — Never seen it.

Friday, October 7

Sanctuary (SyFy) — 10pm –Returning series — Keep meaning to watch it, never do.  Any good??

Saturday, October 8

Rules of Engagement (CBS) — 8pm — Returning series — This is still on?  But has just been moved to Saturdays?  D-O-O-M.

MOVIE: The Messengers (2007)

July 9, 2007

You know that horror-spoof flick Scary Movie? You know how the creators of that flick took elements from all the most popular horror movies, smooshed them together, threw in a few jokes, and poof: satire?

This movie is exactly like Scary Movie, but without the jokes. It doesn’t have a single moment that isn’t completely ripped off from some other horror movie — not a single one. And what amazes me about it is that it not only got made, but it clearly got made with a fairly decent budget. It’s got real actors (granted, not A-list actors, but still), it’s got gorgeous visuals, it’s even got fairly decent dialogue. But every single “scary” moment in this film is an exact replica of a scary moment from another movie. Honestly, I cannot fathom how a writer or director could make this movie without feeling like they’d just sold out every last bit of integrity they had. The mind boggles.

The Messengers opens with your stereotypical city family stereotypically moving to a farm in the stereotypical country, in the stereotypical hopes that a stereotypically slower lifestyle will save their family from stereotypical dysfunction and ruin. Their brilliant plan, both to hold the family together and save themselves from bankruptcy, begins with the purchase of a farmhouse that practically screams “I AM HAUNTED!” right down to the sickly vines growing up its side, its desperate need of a coat of paint, the super-creaky porch, and the gazillions of black crows hanging around on the roof gables looking ominous.

The second part of their plan to escape financial and familial ruin involves investing every last dime they have in the incredibly dubious venture of raising several acres of sunflowers. Because, as we all know, farming is relatively risk-free — all you need to succeed as a farmer is for NOT A SINGLE TINY THING TO GO WRONG, and, really, how hard can that be? Especially for rookies from the city?

Still not convinced that Dad (Dylan McDermott) is a genius? Well, then let’s throw this into the mix: a few days after beginning work on his new farm, Dad is in the process of unloading several huge bags of seed when all the crows begin to attack him (hello, 362nd plot element ripped off from a famous movie!). A moment before they have scratched his eyes out, a scruffy looking hobo (John Corbett, what the hell were you thinking?) fires off two rounds from his shotgun, scaring the birds away. Dad’s response? “Hey, want to move in and work for me, my gorgeous wife, and my two young children, Mr. Crazy-Eyed Armed Hobo Man?”

In any case, believe it or not, it actually gets worse from there. Turns out a family died a horrible death in that farmhouse, and they want revenge. Gee, that’s original. Even better, it looks like the set of The Grudge was having a sale on ghosts, because the dead family in this movie essentially looks, moves, and sounds exactly like the dead family in that movie. There’s even a black oozing spot of goo on the bedroom wall that the mother spends several scenes trying to scrub off, only to have it come back! There’s an evil basement! There’s a freaky kid who no longer speaks and laughs inappropriately at dead things! I mean, seriously, this movie could not have ripped off more elements from more movies had it tried to on purpose. I literally could not believe my eyes. I was just absolutely, utterly, completely astonished by every single moment of this ridiculous piece of crap.

You know what would’ve been more fun than watching this movie? Dusting the living room.

The End.

Genre: Utter Crap
Stars: Dylan McDermott, John Corbett, Penelope Ann Miller, Kristen Stewart