Fall TV Update: Tuesday, Sept 25

So whatcha whatcha whatcha want (whatcha want)?  Well, hey, how about anything but this year’s Tuesday night line-up (ba-dum ching!)?

I mean, NCIS — fine.  FINE.  I’m still watching it, I still enjoy it for the most part, but truly, it could retire.  It’s really time for it to retire, guys.  NCIS: LA, on the other hand, should get fired, and should’ve been fired its first month — this is a crazy, crazy, mixed-up kinda world where that insufferable dreck survives and Pushing Daisies doesn’t.

As for New Girl, I keep hearing it’s great, and then I keep seeing that Zooey Deschanel iPhone ad and having to fight the urge to punch her in the face (which is only going to end up hurting me, because I still have an old CRT TV — you know, the ones with the glass screens?).  So, no.  Mindy Project, no.  Private Practice, GOOD GOD NO.  Ben and Kate, only if it’s renamed Ben and Kate Plus 8, Ben is an android, and the 8 are from the planet Melmac (wow, actually, I may be onto something there. . .).  And Vegas — well, now, Vegas.  I’ll get to that one in a second.

HERE’S WHAT’S UP TONIGHT:

NCIS — 8pm (CBS) — Look, I’m still in love with Michael Weatherly, and with McGee even more.  And Abby — Abby’s great.  And please, Mark Harmon?  Mark Harmon can do no wrong, even when he’s playing Ted Bundy.  But Ducky — Ducky was my favorite character, and Ducky’s gone now, right?  So, what’s the point?  I think there is no point.  I CANNOT GO ON.   I MUST GO ON.  I CANNOT GO ON.  I WILL GO ON.  Crap.  Can’t you just get canceled and put me out of my misery?  Why you gotta hang in there so tight?

New Girl — 8pm (FOX) — “Hey, Siri, can you order me up some TOMATO SOUP because I’m SO DUMB I do not know how to use a can opener.”  *punch* *blood* *911 call* *17 stitches*

Ben and Kate — 8:30pm (FOX) — Sit-com starring an adorable kid and a guy with really weird teeth.  PASS! (FAIL!)

NCIS: LA — 9pm (CBS) — Every time I see an ad for this show, I cry a little bit for the man LL Lame J used to be.  Why couldn’t this show be good?  Chris O’Donnell!  LINDA HUNT, for pity’s sake!  But the Navy doesn’t have a super secret undercover crack detective team in Los Angeles loaded to the hilt with money for fast cars, gadgets, and costume changes, and I can’t just pocket that information and pretend it’s fine you’re being ridiculous!  Stop being ridiculous!  It’s just so ridiculous!

The Mindy Project — 9:30pm (FOX) — Because, why now?  I mean, it’s awesome, sure, that an Indian female comic is headlining her own show in the US.  But I kind of can’t stand that Indian female comic, so. . . Congratulations, please go away.  Am I terrible?  I’m terrible.  I’m sorry.

Private Practice — 9pm (ABC) — I was honestly surprised to see this was still in the line-up this fall.  What is this doing still in the line-up this fall?  Is it just me or do Tuesday nights really blow this  season?  This show is absolutely insufferable.  I made it through a record six episodes of season one before I couldn’t stand the churning sensation in my stomach every time a character spoke a line of vapid dialogue.  WHAT IS THIS SHOW STILL DOING HERE?  I blame you guys for this.  No, not YOU guys.  YOU OTHER GUYS.  You know, the ones who keep watching this thing!  YOU!  Cut that out, already!

Vegas — 10pm (CBS) —  Upside:  the cast.  Hunky Ex-Boyfriends Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis, together AND playing mortal enemies!  Ye-he-HES!  Downside: they’re playing mortal enemies in 1960s Vegas, and honestly, the likelihood of this primetime network TV show being even remotely as entertaining or interesting as Casino or GoodFellas is so teeny tiny it cannot be seen with the naked eye.  Upside:  Chiklis is playing a bad-ass again, which is great because after seeing him hitting people in the head with phone books for several years on The Shield, he’ll simply never square as The Commish for me ever again (although, having seen a few trailers and print ads for this, I’m not sold on his ability to pull of the 1960s mobster suit look, either).  Downside:  Quaid is playing a cowboy-turned-reluctant sheriff, a character I feel I’ve seen 97,000 times before (speaking of cowboy sheriffs, did you guys watch Longmire this summer, co-starring Ex-Boy/Girlfriend of the Week Katee Sackhoff?  I really enjoyed that one).  Oh, argh.  This is one of those shows I don’t really want to watch, but I feel like I should probably watch.  So, I’ll watch.  Let’s see what happens.

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TV Timekilling Post (New Boyfriend in the Works This Week!)

Just to let you know, things will be somewhat quiet here this week, as I’m scrambling around like pan o’ breakfast trying to get the new Boyfriend of the Week write-up posted before October expires.  (Not just because I’m trying to get at least one lame write-up posted every month (although, that too), but because he needs to make it up BY HALLOWEEN, or else there goes all the fun.  That’s the only hint yer gettin’, so don’t try for more, my peoples.)

While we’re waiting, though, let’s have some conversation.  Everybody tell me in comments which of the new Fall TV shows you are still watching and enjoying?  Here’s what’s still on my list:

Glee — I’m behind by three episodes, but I WAS behind by six until this past weekend and then I started to get caught up and got all sucked in again.  That said, I confess nothing gets my dander up like a subplot involving a faked pregnancy being used to trick an unhappy husband into staying in an awful marriage.  Newsflash to men everywhere:  Most women would never, ever consider doing something like that.  I promise, we wouldn’t.  We. Would. Not.  In any case, this is a subplot that I feel is not only grossly cliché and completely out of place in the show itself, but one I think we women ought to be downright offended by.  If you’re not offended by it, rest assured that I am offended on your behalf.  Wrap that shit up, Glee, and give me more songs by Journey or I may bail before the year’s out.  You’re on alert, yo.

The Forgotten — I recognize that this is not a good show.  That said, you know what?  I’m enjoying it anyway.  I really like Christian Slater; I can’t help myself.  And even though everybody starts off dead and so there is never a happy ending, I kind of like the concept behind this series — a show about a group of volunteers with various sorts of skills who spend their free time working as amateur sleuths.  I love sleuthing — it’s why I became a librarian, in fact.  In any case, while I haven’t been overly impressed so far with the plots, it MIGHT get better.  It COULD get better.  I’ll hang in a little while longer.

NCIS: Los Angeles — Oh, please, I KNOW this one is not a good show.  I’m still watching this one just because every episode is so amazingly stupid and bad, it is absolutely hilarious.  I laugh out loud no fewer than 8 times per episode, which is more than The Daily Show gets out of me half the time these days.  Oh god, I love this one.  I LOVE IT.  I have never seen a show this ridiculous.  It’s totally awesome.  Plus, I will never get tired of looking at L. L. Cool J’s butt, no matter how old I get.  Or how old he gets.  May we grow old together, in fact, me and L. L Cool J.  And L. L. Cool J’s butt.  All three of us, old.  Together.  Forever.

Flash Forward — I’m behind by three episodes, and I think it’s because. . . meh.  I mean, I like the concept of this series, and I fully intend to get caught up (this weekend, even).  But I haven’t gotten sucked into it that solidly yet.  Not like I got with Lost, certainly.  I never fell behind on a single episode of Lost until season three, come to think of it, but I started falling behind on FF on EPISODE three.  Probably not a great sign.  That said, I’m still IN.  I’m just not IN all the way.  I’m sort of hokey-pokey-in.  One foot, one hand, shakin’ it all about.  What do you guys think of this one?  If it lasts long enough, Joseph Fiennes or John Cho for Boyfriend of the Week?  Both?

Three Rivers — It’s terrible, I know it.  Stop, I know it.  But still.  Of the three new medical shows (Mercy and Trauma being the other two), it’s the only one I watched a second episode of, and even though I haven’t then watched any more, I’m letting them pile up on the DVR for a rainy day and am even sort of looking forward to the day that rainy day finally arrives.  Incidentally, I recently went to the ER myself and guess what was playing on the TV while I was there — Mercy and Trauma. I motioned to the TV set and said to the doctor, “Really? Isn’t that kind of like playing Castaway on an airplane?”   And he laughed and said the nurses liked it.  Personally?  I think health care reform needs to start RIGHT THERE.

I think this is it for me and the NEW shows this year.  I’d love to hear what you guys are watching (is anybody still watching Eastwick, for example?  How’s it going?  Did you guys end up loving The Good Wife?  What did I miss that I ought to check out?  Any of the new sit-coms good?).  Hit the comments and chat us all up and together, we’ll make it to the next Boyfriend of the Week write-up, due FRIDAY come hell or high water.  (Or, more likely here in Seattle, a hell OF high water.)

Fall TV Premiere Week . . .Wait, Which Week is This?

First, a quick recap of the new shows I’ve seen so far:

Flash Forward is a maybe for me, but it’s a strong maybe.  I found the pilot intriguing, and it’s full of great actors (loving John Cho and Joseph Fiennes), but segues to commercial breaks that feature an ominous voice telling me to do things like  “pay attention to the kangaroo — it might be important” kind of make me want to kick someone in the shins.  Don’t tell me what to do, you creepy bastard.  If I want to pay attention to the kangaroo, I’LL PAY ATTENTION TO THE KANGAROO.  (And if that’s not a Facebook status update of pure gold, I don’t know what is.)

NCIS: Los Angeles: [THIS PARAGRAPH CONTAINS A SPOILER] I love you, LL Cool J and Linda Hunt.  And okay, you too Chris O’Donnell, if I must.  However, your show is an absolute disaster.  I must have laughed out loud 15 times watching your pilot, and only 2 of those times were because you let LL Cool J tell a joke.  Plus, you know how at the end of the first episode, the bad guy is about to shoot “G” (O’Donnell) in the head, and just as he’s about to pull the trigger, G’s phone goes off,  and so the bad guy is all, “No, no, go ahead.  I’ll wait”?   Really?  I mean, REALLY really?   Also, poor, broken orphan who never had a first name, only a first initial?  And don’t even get me started on the rack of $300 designer jeans paid for with our tax dollars.  Bah.  One more episode and then I’m out.

The Forgotten:  Same song, different verse — it’s actually just Cold Case all over again.  I really liked Slater in this, but everybody else is a total throwaway so far, and the plots are going to have to get WAY, WAY more interesting if this show wants to survive longer than mid-October.  My money’s on one more episode and then the boot.

Eastwick, Mercy:  I didn’t make it through their pilots, I’m afraid.  I’m out, and I bet the networks will be shortly out as well.

Let me know what you guys thought?  I still haven’t seen The Good Wife, but will try to catch that one this week.  So far, in terms of returning shows, Supernatural is still kicking everybody’s ass, by the way.  If you aren’t watching that series and you like smart, funny, clever, creative writing, DUDE.  Is all.

Monday, 9/28

Lie to Me (FOX) — 8pm.  I watched this series last year and mostly enjoyed it, but it needs a lot of work if it’s going to keep me intrigued enough this year to keep going.  I confess the part I like the best is that I feel like I am learning skills I can apply whenever I suspect someone is lying to me.  Frankly, if they could just skip the character drama and turn this show into a TV-based training course in kinesics instead, I think I’d like it a lot better.  Sorry, Tim.  Maybe you can narrate?

Trauma (NBC) — 9pm.  Another show tries to fill the void left by ER.  But you know what, shows?  We don’t really need you to fill a void.  We sort of need you to do something new.  This one is about EMTs and trauma surgeons, and maybe, MAYBE the EMT stuff might be sort of interesting.  We’ll see, sigh.   The cast has a few familiar faces (dashing-Kiwi Cliff Curtis, guy-who-creeps-me-out Jamie Sheridan), but for the most part don’t look terribly inspiring.  Can you tell I’m really struggling to muster up ANY degree of enthusiasm for this one?  Yeah, that.  Go ahead, Trauma, make me eat my words.  DOUBLE-DOG DARE YOU.

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Tuesday, 9/29

Hell’s Kitchen (FOX) — 8pm.  You know what’s really weird?  Watching this show and then watching Gordon Ramsey’s British shows like Kitchen Nightmares and The F Word.   Why do we, as Americans, need to convert that guy into such an incredible jerk in order to make him entertaining and marketable here? I boggle, as does my mind.

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Wednesday, 9/30

Hank (ABC) — 8pm and The Middle (ABC) — 8:30pm.  Whatever.

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Thursday, 10/1

Private Practice (ABC) — 10pm.  This is still on?  AND EYES GOT CANCELED?  I hate you, ABC.  And yes, I will hold that grudge for all of eternity, thanks for asking.

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Friday, 10/2

Til Death (FOX) – 8:30pm.  Watched half of season one of this one, actually — I know, surprise, right?  Yeah, it. . . meh.

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Sunday 10/4

Three Rivers (CBS) —  Dammit, CBS, don’t fail me on this one, would you?  Of the three medical shows starting this fall, this is the only one that actually has a chance of being relatively not-that-sucky.  But here’s the problem — this series is about organ transplant doctors.  Remember that OTHER series about organ transplant doctors — Heartland?  The one with Treat Williams?  That show was a veritable croque monsieur of cheese.  This show needs to NOT BE LIKE THAT SHOW.  And that’s really the only advice I can give at this point.  Come on, Alex O’Loughlin, you mad-crazy hunkaroo, SAVE ME.

Five More ex-Boyfriends Headed for TV!

Okay, so we already knew about Paul Gross in Eastwick (ABC, Wednesday, Sept. 23), Tim DeKay in White Collar (USA, Oct.), Alex O’Loughlin in Three Rivers (CBS, Sunday, Oct. 4), Chris O’Donnell on NCIS:LA (CBS, Tuesday, Sept. 22), and Timothy Olyphant on Lawman (FX, 2010) (okay, okay, he’s not an ex-Boyfriend YET, but he will be soon enough).

BUT I just found out today that five more ex-Boyfriends will be starring or co-starring in shows coming to cable and network television this fall/winter.  Man, I might have to quit my day job just to keep the DVR from exploding.  Life is good.  (p.s. Know of any other new shows coming soon that star old Boyfriends of the Week?  Hit the comments!)

We’ve got:

James Marsters playing terrorist leader Barnabus Greeley in SyFy’s Battlestar Galactica prequel series, Caprica. (Jan. 2010)

John Hawkes playing a new character on ABC’s Lost — some kind of businessman described as “scruffy, edgy, and charismatic.”  You had me at “scruffy,” ABC. (Jan. 2010)

Chris Noth co-starring with Julianna Margulies in CBS’s The Good Wife, a series about a stay-home mom who finds herself reentering the workplace after her husband’s very public sex and political corruption scandals land him in jail.  Sounds terrible.  Sign me up.  (Tuesday, Sept. 22)

The delightfully-voiced Clancy Brown co-starring in ABC’s new lawyer drama, The Deep End, which will focus on a law firm and its fresh-faced recruits.  While I’m definitely sick (and tired) of lawyer shows, those are two adjectives I’ll likely never apply to my feelings about The Clance (which sounds like an STD but isn’t; if it were, I’d be happy to contract it, though), so clearly I’m on board. Plus, Tina Majorino!  Yay!  (TBA, Fall)

And last, but certainly NOT least,

James Tupper, humina humina, coming to NBC in Mercy, a medical drama told from the perspective of nurses and described as having “a totally unique point of view.”  You know, except for all those other shows on TV right now about nurses.  Oh really, like we care if this one’s unique.  As long as nobody tries to tidy up his hair, I’m in.  (Friday, Sept. 23)

(By the way, I was going to reduce this photo of JT a bit.  But then I decided life’s too short for cropped photos of James Tupper.  You’re welcome.)

The Company, The Kill Point, and Flash Gordon — An Update

Just a quick update on a few new TV shows I had alerted you guys about (finally had a chance to get a bit caught up on stored DVR stuff this weekend!):

TNT’s miniseries, The Company, is a total blast. Great acting, a complex and engaging storyline, and lots and lots of nifty spy stuff. Lovin’ it. Haven’t seen part two yet, but am hoping to watch it tonight before the final part airs tomorrow (Sunday the 19th). Damn, that Chris O’Donnell is ha-ZOT. He’s just getting cuter with every passing moment.

Spike’s original series The Kill Point, on the other hand, is pretty bad, though I confess I’m still watching it. Donnie Wahlberg’s cop character is so annoying I kind of want to shove a pencil in his eye. His “quirk” is that he’s obsessed with grammar — he corrects everybody’s sentences all the time, and when they say things like, “Seriously? Three bank robbers are holding 8 people at gun point and you’re upset because I split an infinitive?” he replies with, “Hey, I’m a hostage negotiator — one wrong word in this job and PEOPLE DIE.”

I try to hold back the derisive snickers (especially when he’s just corrected someone incorrectly, which has happened twice so far), but I fail every time. Not a good sign.

The show is also ripping off left and right from Al Pacino’s Dog Day Afternoon, not to mention just about every other bank robbery movie or TV show ever made, but John Leguizamo is doing a pretty good job with his part and there have been some moments in the first three episodes (haven’t seen last week’s yet) that I thought were pretty well done. All in all, not a great show, but it’s pretty watchable.

Alas, I could not say the same about Sci-Fi’s new series Flash Gordon, the pilot of which I watched earlier last week. It’s just all over the place, and I didn’t particularly care about any of the actors or their characters. The pilot was 90 minutes, but I gave up around the half-way mark and took it back out of my DVR timer. Oh well! If the show seems to pick up some steam after it airs a few more episodes, I might give it another try. And hey, if you watched episode two this week and thought it improved radically on the pilot, let me know in comments and I’ll see if I can catch it in reruns over the next few days?

Meerkat Manor, incidentally, is as awesome as ever; hope you’re watching. And if you missed any of last season’s great series Men in Trees, starring the ridiculously gorgeous James Tupper, I hope you’ve noticed ABC is rerunning those Thursday nights this summer. The second season will be extra-long, as it will feature the usual 22 episodes PLUS the five or so from the end of season one that never aired last spring (ABC kept trying out new shows in its slot instead and then decided to just roll those final eps into an extended second season). Season Two starts Friday, October 12th at 10pm. So mark your calendars and be sure to tune in and support the show — it was my favorite of all the newbies from last year and I desperately want ABC to keep it going!

Coming this Sunday: Chris O’Donnell in “The Company” on TNT

Just a head’s up that the cutest guy ever to grace the small screen of Grey’s Anatomy (and no, I don’t mean Patrick Dempsey) is coming to TNT this Sunday for a miniseries titled The Company that will be about the CIA vs. the Soviets during the Cold War. Of course, you read the subject line, so you know I mean Chris O’Donnell, and raise your hand if you wish Callie would’ve married his vet character on Grey’s instead of ending up with George “The Man ‘Ho” O’Malley. Yeah, me too. I miss Dr. McVet! Come back, Dr. McVet, come back!

In any case, the miniseries features a pretty stellar set of names: Alfred Molina, Michael Keaton, and Alessandro Nivola also star, and it’s been produced by Tony and Ridley Scott, as well as David Zucker. I’ve got my fingers crossed. Minus ten points for having a web site with faaaaar too much flash animation, but plus five back for mentioning Chris’s role in Fried Green Tomatoes in his bio, because even though it makes me sound like a disgusting GIRL, I absolutely love that movie.

I’ll report back after I’ve seen the first episode to let you know what I thought! Tawanda!!!