Archive for the ‘Bruce Campbell’ Category

The Trip List — Movie Quote Hall of Fame

February 10, 2010

Regular readers of this blog are probably familiar by now with commenter Trip and “quote wars,” a game he and I and the rest of you wackos often derail comment threads into (so not a stickler here for making sure comments stay on topic — topic schmopic, I say on that).

A few weeks back, a couple of us asked Trip for a list of his favorite movie lines, in part to better prep us for future wars (hey, that was my motive, at least), and at long, long last, the Trip List appears in print!  (Along with a graphic drawn by ME PERSONALLY, featuring a favorite line from the movie Airplane.  And yes, I won’t quit my day job and go into art, no worries, ya jerks.)

Here’s Trip’s intro:

Well, I’m really only brushing the surface here, and I’d probably face-palm at the mention of a few others I *should have* included here, nevertheless here’s a first list of quotes I like, which were more instantly memorable to me, and which I’ve used fairly regularly over the years on friends and co-workers alike…

And my follow-up intro is that if he missed any of your favorites, you know what to do, y’all.  Hit it!  (And oh, I know you will.  I know I will.  I know we all will.  We cool like that.)

Enjoy (and thanks for all the hard work, Trip!)!

THE TRIP LIST v.1.0 (edited to add the occasional self-serving link to a Boyfriend write-up or movie review where relevant, which was clearly not nearly as often as it should’ve been — I haven’t featured Bill Murray yet?  What the what?)

  • “I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum…and I’m all out of bubble gum.” – George Nada (Roddy Piper), They Live
  • “We are the music makers…and we are the dreamers of dreams.” – Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder), Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
  • “Your father was captain of a starship for twelve minutes. He saved eight hundred lives, including your mother’s. And yours. I dare you to do better.” – Capt. Christopher Pike (Bruce Greenwood), Star Trek (2009)
  • “All right you primitive screwheads, listen up! You see this? This… is my boomstick!” – Ash (Bruce Campbell), Army of Darkness
  • “Gimme some sugar, baby.” – Ash (Bruce Campbell), Army of Darkness
  • “Bitch…you don’t have a future.” – Beatrix Kiddo (Uma Thurman), Kill Bill Pt. 2
  • “Tell me of your homeworld, Usul.” – Chani (Sean Young), Dune
  • “You need to be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how!” – Rhett Butler (Clark Gable), Gone with the Wind
  • “No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die!” – Auric Goldfinger (Gert Fröbe), Goldfinger
  • “Until at last, I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountainside.” – Gandalf (Ian McKellen), Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • “Dang! You got shocks, pegs…lucky!” – Napoleon (Jon Heder), Napoleon Dynamite
  • “Usul, we have wormsign the likes of which even God has never seen.” – Stilgar (Everett McGill), Dune
  • “My name is a killing word.” – Paul Atreides (Kyle McLaughlin), Dune
  • “Brandy! Throw more brandy!” – Prince Hapnick (Jack Lemmon), The Great Race
  • “I crap bigger than you.” Curly (Jack Palance), City Slickers
  • “I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.” – Ripley (Sigourney Weaver), Aliens
  • “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.” – Clemenza (Richard Castellano), The Godfather
  • “I like them French fried potaters.” – Karl (Billy Bob Thornton), Sling Blade
  • “Let’s show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!” – Dr. Pete Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
  • “Game over, man, game over!” Private Hudson (Bill Paxton), Aliens
  • “Well that’s great, that’s just fuckin’ great, man. Now what the fuck are we supposed to do? We’re in some real pretty shit now man…” Pvt. Hudson (Bill Paxton), Aliens
  • “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here, this is the War Room!” – President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove
  • “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.” – Elwood Blues (Dan Aykroyd), The Blues Brothers
  • “If you’d have fought one whit below your abilities, I’d have given you a good scar to remind you.”  – Gurney Halleck (Patrick Stewart), Dune
  • “Only I didn’t say ‘Fudge.’ I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the ‘F-dash-dash-dash’ word!” – Ralphie narrating as adult (Jean Shepherd), A Christmas Story
  • “Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.” – Ralphie narrating as adult (Jean Shepherd), A Christmas Story
  • “Well, I’m a mushroom-cloud-layin’ motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain, I’m Superfly T.N.T., I’m the Guns of the Navarone!” – Jules (Samuel L. Jackson), Pulp Fiction
  • “Well, that’s a huge noggin. That’s a virtual planetoid!” – Stuart Mackenzie (Mike Myers), So I Married an Axe Murderer
  • “I’m not kidding, that boy’s head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Now that was offside, wasn’t it? He’ll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.”  – Stuart Mackenzie (Mike Myers), So I Married an Axe Murderer
  • “The fact that you’ve got ‘replica’ written down the side of your guns…and the fact that I’ve got ‘Desert Eagle .50’ written down the side of mine…should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now…fuck off!” – Bullet Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones), Snatch
  • “Well, he should have armed himself if he’s going to decorate his saloon with my friend.” – William Munny (Clint Eastwood), Unforgiven
  • “I’d like to think that the last thing that went through his head, other than that bullet, was to wonder how the hell Andy Dufresne ever got the best of him.” – Red narrating (Morgan Freeman), The Shawshank Redemption
  • “Ha ha! You didn’t count on my loyal army of prostitutes, did you?” – Mitch (Norm MacDonald), Dirty Work
  • “You will learn a system of self-defense that I learned after two seasons of fighting in the octagon.” – Rex (Diedrich Bader), Napoleon Dynamite
  • “I ain’t got time to bleed!” – Blain (Jesse Ventura), Predator
  • “The light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long – and you have burned so very, very brightly, Roy.” – Tyrell (Joe Turkel), Blade Runner
  • “Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say ‘YES!'” – Winston (Ernie Hudson), Ghostbusters
  • “Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.” – Dr. Pete Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
  • “Generally you don’t see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.” – Dr. Pete Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
  • “I hate Illinois Nazis.” – Jake Blues (John Belushi), The Blues Brothers
  • “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Oswald was a fag.” – McManus (Stephen Baldwin), The Usual Suspects
  • “I like how you burritoed me in the sofa cushions.” – Alex Goran (Vera Farmiga), Up In the Air
  • “Mikey, why don’t you tell that nice girl you love her? I love you with all-a my heart, if I don’t see-a you again soon, I’m-a gonna die!”  – Clemenza (Richard Castellano), The Godfather
  • “Training is NOTHING. Will is EVERYTHING,” – Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson), Batman Begins

MOVIE: My Name is Bruce (2008)

April 22, 2009

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, makes fun of Bruce Campbell better than Bruce Campbell.  And that’s why I loved this movie, directed by Bruce Campbell and starring Bruce Campbell as Bruce Campbell making fun of Bruce Campbell in a film entitled My Name is Bruce [Campbell], so very, very much.

The plot of this movie — we’ll pretend the plot actually matters for a moment — focuses on a small town that has accidentally unleashed an ancient Chinese baddie named Guan-Di (“Guan-You, Guan-Me, Guan-Di!”) that now threatens to wipe out their population.  Confusing Bruce Campbell the Man with Bruce Campbell the Action Movie Badass, the town kidnaps Bruce off the set of Cave Alien 2 and begs him to help them defeat Guan-Di.  At first Bruce thinks it’s some kind of joke.  But then Guan-Di shows up, and, well, as the man himself says, “You know Jeff, I’ve gotten a lot of use out of chainsaws over the years. . .”

What makes this movie so much fun to watch, though, is the fact you can tell immediately that everybody is having an absolute blast putting this one together, especially Bruce Campbell.  The acting is intentionally hammy and awful, the story is ridiculous, Guan-Di himself is laughably silly-looking, and oh man, the Bruce Campbell jokes.  They just do not EVER stop coming.

Can’t recommend this one to fans of The Chin highly enough.  I can virtually guarantee you this one will be showing up on my Top Ten Movies Seen in 2009 list this December, too.  “You don’t like Bruce, you walk!”


[Netflix me | Buy me]

Genre:  Horror, Comedy
Cast:  Bruce Campbell stars as. . . BRUCE CAMPBELL!

MOVIE: Touch the Top of the World (2006)

March 18, 2009

Based on the memoir of the same name, this entertaining made-for-TV movie is about the first blind man (Erik Weihenmayer) to summit on Mount Everest.  The story begins with his childhood, when a rare eye disease began to gradually take his sight from him.  By the time he was a teenager, Erik was completely blind.  A meeting with a blind wrestler inspired him to continue to pursue his love of sports, and it wasn’t long before he began to try (and then excel at!) climbing as well.

After several successful summits of other mountains, Erik was encouraged by friends to give Mt. Everest a try.  With the help of some incredibly awesome buddies, and the financial support of blind people all over the world, Erik sets out for the toughest climb of his life, overcoming insurmountable odds and finally making it to the top of the world.

This movie is obviously a made-for-TV flick — the scenery is pretty fake in a number of places, and there are notable pauses in the story where you can tell there was a commercial break planned.  But the acting is wonderful (especially from Facinelli and Bruce Campbell, who plays Erik’s very supportive father) and the story is inspiring and well-organized.

I love movies (and books!) about climbers.  It’s a sport I find utterly insane, but at the same time, I’m absolutely mesmerized by tales  about it.  It takes a special something to want to climb Mt. Everest, I think.  (Whether it’s a good something or a bad something is debatable.)  But whatever it is, I don’t have it.  And sometimes when I see movies like this I think maybe I wish I did. (You know, until the ubiquitous scene in which the climbers start puking their guts out (or worse!) from altitude sickness.  Then I go back to considering them  insane.)

In any case, Erik’s story is pretty damn cool, and after having seen this film, I’m definitely planning to read Weihenmayer’s memoir soon.  Recommended!

[Netflix me | Buy me]

Genre:  Adventure, Non-Fiction
Cast:  Peter Facinelli, Bruce Campbell, Kate Greenhouse

Summertime, and the Lazing is Easy

July 7, 2008

Yay! It’s July! And all our favorite summer TV shows are coming back! Here’s the time line for all the ones I’ll be tuning into — make sure you let me know in the comments if I missed any of your faves!

Thursday, July 10th

Burn Notice, Season 2. USA Network, Thursdays at 10pm. What do you MEAN you aren’t a Burn Notice fan? Did you know it has Bruce Campbell in it? (Not to mention ex-Boyfriend Jeffrey Donovan.)  Isn’t that ’nuff said? No? Well, then how ’bout if I describe it as a cross between MacGyver and The Rockford Files?  Sold!

Tune in this season to find out just how in the heck they’re going to work in that Cylon subplot (I just lost 48.5% of you with that one, sorry — Trisha Helfer, better known as “Six” from Battlestar Galactica, joins the cast this year. Though, presumably, not as a toaster. Hey wait, unless. . . holy hell, is it possible? Is Sam Axe the twelfth Cylon? MY MIND IS BLOWING!).

Friday, July 11th

Flashpoint, Season 1. CBS, Fridays at 10pm. This is the first Canadian TV show to be broadcast on a major American network (during primetime, anyway) since way, way back in 1994 when CBS picked up Due South. That alone is enough to get me to tune in. But since it also stars Veronica Mars’s father (Enrico Colantoni), I was already kinda sold on the idea. (p.s. Why I haven’t I made Enrico Colantoni a Boyfriend of the Week yet? I love that guy!)

Anyway, this series is about a special unit of cops in Toronto who do stuff like hostage negotiation. It sounds a lot like a Canadian version of that old TNT series Wanted (starring Gary Cole and that guy who plays Allison’s brother on Medium — I love that guy, whoever he is) which I really liked but which got canceled after the first season because of all the people in this country who would rather watch Farmer Wants a Wife than a smart show about complex characters. (Those of you about to email me with “Dear Meg: So You Think You Can Dance is not exactly The Sopranos,” can suck it, by the way.) It’s possible this one won’t succeed either but I have high hopes. And if all else fails, there’s always Galaxy Quest (for a good non-V. Mars Colantoni fix).

Stargate Atlantis, Season 5. Sci-Fi Network, Fridays at 10pm. I don’t actually watch this show, I just WISH I watched this show.  I’ve seen about two episodes — random episodes — and thought it was a total blast. The problem is, now it’s in season FIVE, which means I have a lot of catching up to do. Daunting, to say the least, especially when you, like me, have TV OCD (I can’t bear to jump into a show in the middle — must start at S1E1!). I promise to get started on that ASAP, though. Cute guys! Great plots! Extreme funniness! Why did it take me so long to figure out this one was great? Gah, I’m firing myself.

Monday, July 14th

The Closer, Season 4. TNT, Mondays at 9pm. This show blows me away, I have to confess. You know how some shows get worse and worse over the years (Dear ER: Get a sucking chest wound already and leave me in peace, I beg of you!)? I swear to god, this show just gets BETTER AND BETTER. Last season, every single episode was utterly brilliant, and I don’t just throw that B-word around lightly, as well you know. If you thought Kyra Sedgewick’s accent was annoying (this is what I usually hear from people who don’t watch), tune in for J.K. Simmons instead. (p.s. Why haven’t I made J.K. Simmons a Boyfriend of the Week yet? I love that guy!)

(Saving Grace also returns July 14th, by the way, but I didn’t make it past episode one of that one. Gak.)

Tuesday, July 15th

The Cleaner, Season 1. A&E, Tuesdays at 10pm. I confess I’m a bit wary of this new series, which stars ex-Boyfriend Benjamin Bratt as an “extreme interventionist” who uses radical methods to save people from drug addiction. It could be really, really good. But it could also offend the ever-living beheysoos out of me. I work in the field of substance abuse and thus know rather a lot about this topic, and thus have rather strong opinions about this topic (this is why I had to stop watching House, for example). We’ll see how this one goes. I’ll report back after the first 1-2 episodes and let you know what I think.

Wednesday, July 16th.

Project Runway! Project Runway! Project Runway! YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!! Need I say any more? Bravo, Wednesdays at 9pm.

Friday, July 18th

Monk, Season 7; and Psych, Season 3. USA, 9pm and 10pm. Okay, I’ll confess this: Last season of Monk was a little lackluster for me. I’m getting a little bit tired of the OCD schtick, and there were a few episodes last season where I felt like they truly lost sight of the depth of Monk’s character, which is the part that takes him from laughable OCD nutjob to sympathetic human being. Laughable OCD nutjob is not nearly as interesting to me, in part because the fictional character I am most frequently compared to happens to BE Adrian Monk (watch me eat M&Ms sometime and I think you’ll understand why). HOWEVER, as with ER, this is a show I will never be able to stop watching until it’s officially given the boot.  Why?  Because I used to love it so, so much, and it’s too hard for me to let go before it’s actually ENDED.  See above re: TV OCD. But maybe it’ll be better this year. Stranger things have happened.

Psych, on the other hand, is another one of those shows that has been improving with every passing episode. It’s just getting funnier and funnier as the actors settle into their characters and the crazy goofballery settles into even more crazier goofballery (or whatever I mean by that). And oh god, that ad where they have clips of Sean running through all his various nicknames for Gus? I want to put that ad on my iPod so I can run it on a loop all day long, but I’m worried that that much laughter might literally KILL ME. Best ad ever. If you only watched the first few episodes of this one way back in season one, you’ve got to give it another try. Trust me — smart banter rules!

Tuesday, July 29

Eureka, Season 3. Sci Fi Network, Tuesdays, 9pm. Did I just use the phrase “smart banter”? Would it cheapen it if I use the same phrase again just one paragraph later? Because if you love smart banter (and also geeky science stuff), and you aren’t watching Eureka, I have but one word for you: Duuuuuuuude!

I love this show. Clever, weird, funny, and starring one of the most adorable men on television today (Colin “Butt Chin” Ferguson). Back when I went on hiatus last year, I featured Jeffrey Donovan as the first in a planned trilogy of summer TV gorgeousness — guess who numbers 2 and 3 were supposed to be? If you guess Colin Ferguson, you got number 2 right. And number 3 — well, let’s keep that one a mystery for now. Watch for Colin’s write-up, and the Mystery Man’s, coming later this summer!

Jeez, is that enough TV for you? With all the great stuff returning this month, how am I ever going to have time for all the Netflix Instant Viewing stuff I plan to watch on my new Roku Netflix Player (which I LOVE, by the way)?

Guess I’ll have to quit my day job. Any advice on how to swing this with the spouse? “Um, hon? Do you mind if I quit my job, watch TV 14 hours a day, and gain 50 pounds? What do you mean, ‘Hell no’?! YOU NEVER SUPPORT MY DREAMS!!”

BOOK: The Book of the Dead by Patricia Cornwell

June 3, 2008

I know — I KNOW! The last few times I’ve picked up one of Cornwell’s lame-ass Scarpetta novels, I’ve panned it mercilessly and sworn I would never read another one again. And yet, argh! The thing is, this series used to be so great, you guys! I’m obviously totally in denial that the magic is really and truly gone. After giving this latest one a try, however, I think I can officially say with 100% certainty that this series is toast. Cornwell has lost her touch, and I’m done for real this time!

I’d tell you what this installment was about, except that it was so scatter-brained and incoherent, I can’t really say for sure. I got about 250 pages in and then actually QUIT READING IT, which tells you right there how bad it was. Once I get that far into a novel, I will almost always keep going regardless of quality because of the time investment I’ve already made. But I kept getting more and more confused, bored, and annoyed with every passing chapter and when I hit the half-way mark, I could tell there was no going any further. (And besides, how can you title your novel Book of the Dead and NOT include any references to Bruce Campbell? Have we forgotten our Evil Dead references, Patty? You could’ve at least had a character named Ash, yo!)

[finish reading the book review. . .]

Coming to a TV set near you. . . Mr. Bruce Campbell!

June 26, 2007

This Thursday night, a new series is coming to the USA Network. It’s called Burn Notice and stars Jeffrey Donovan as a spy fired by the CIA who tries to score some contract crime-solving cases while also attempting to figure out who backstabbed him in the government. Entertainment Weekly gave it a solid B and said it looked like light-hearted fun, but what really caught my eye were the names of two supporting actors. First, Sharon Gless, forever known to me as Detective Christine Cagney from that great old 80’s series Cagney & Lacey, but more importantly, a name I never expected to see showing up on the cast of a TV show: Mr. Bruce Campbell!

This is me, dying and going to Heaven.

In other great Boyfriend-related news, I heard a rumor that Brandon Routh is getting back into shape in preparation for a Superman sequel (tentatively titled, Superman: Man of Steel). No verification on this from either Warner Bros. or director Bryan Singer, but I’m allowing myself to feel some hope in any case. The rumor I heard said Routh expects to start filming early next year. All together now: Woot!