MOVIE: Dark Tide (2012)

darktideA few recommendations I would like to make, having recently seen this film starring Halle Berry and her husband (!!) Olivier Martinez (note: I express “!!” because I had no idea they were married to each other, though that sure explains why they were in this stinker together):

1.  Shark divers, like cops, who are one day away from retirement should always call in sick that last day.  If you absolutely MUST go to work, do not do anything work-related whatsoever.  Especially if Halle Berry tells you to.

2.  Rich idiots who want to dive with Great White Sharks should just be dropped into a GWS feeding zone the first hour of the tour — none of this trying to talk them out of their “sharks would never bite ME because I am RICH” attitude.  They’re going to die a horrible death anyway.  Why wait until dusk when it’s that much harder to see them getting their comeuppance?

3.  Speaking of dusk, isn’t that, along with “dawn,” the time of day shark experts are always telling people NOT to go diving in shark-infested waters?  Because the sharks are more likely to attack at those times of day?  See above, re: don’t do anything Halle Berry tells you to do.

4. Why do I keep telling you not do anything Halle Berry tells you to do?  Because Halle Berry’s characters are always ruled by their emotions and those emotions totally get everybody killed in this movie, even though her character and all her character’s buddies keep trying to tell us none of it was her fault.  IT WAS TOTES ALL HER FAULT.

She does look really great in that bikini, though.  I’m assuming that was the primary reason she was cast in this shark bomb.

5.  If you decide to rent this movie because you, like me and my mom, are a total sucker for shark movies, allow me to suggest: NO.

[Netflix it  (available for Watch Now) | Buy it]

Genre:  Drama, SHARKS
Cast:  Halle Berry, Olivier Martinez, Ralph Brown, a bunch of other people you’ve never heard of

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3 Responses to “MOVIE: Dark Tide (2012)”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Trying again – know you like shark movies. Too bad this one was so dumb. Again, this only works under “Anonymous” (Liz).

  2. RogerBW Says:

    Yeah, pull a sickie! What are they going to do – fire you?

    I remember an interview about the filming of The Deep, in which it was quite clear that the technical diving supervisor would have been quite happy to let Robert Redford kill himself by doing the extra dives he insisted on doing, and the rest of the crew wouldn’t have minded much either, but the producer overruled him…

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