MOVIE: Black Water (2007)

blackwaterYou know what’s really weird about this movie?  The cover of the DVD.  I’ve probably passed it a gazillion times in the movie rental store and never picked it up.  Why?  Because I’ve been burned a few too many times by really, really terrible snake movies (Anaconda, Python, Python TWO, Anaconda TWO, the list goes on and on).  See that snake on the cover?  Forget it.  Me and killer snake movies are done.  Finis.  Over.  Kaput.

Lucky for us all, though, one of the horror movie blogs I read regularly reviewed this flick recently and said it was actually a very suspenseful. . . CROCODILE movie.  And crocodile movies ain’t never done me no wrong.  So, my next trip to the video store, I picked the box up and double-checked this fact — yep, crocs — and then plunked it into my Netflix queue and waited for it to arrive.

And kids, this flick is DOPE!

It’s about three Australians (Grace and Adam, who are a couple, and Grace’s younger sister Lee) who decide to take a trip to the swamps of Northern Australia to do some fishing.  They charter a little row boat with an outboard motor and hire a guide named Jim to do the driving and navigating.  The day is going well, happy happy joy joy, until something nudges their boat.  Hmmm, what was that?

Whoa, and then that something nudges the boat with a bit more attitude, and the next thing our protagonists know, their boat is upside down and they’re treading water in a swamp while they watch  their guide get eaten by an absolutely enormous and extremely cranky crocodile.

The three scramble over to the nearest swamp tree and climb up high in its branches.  And then — they sit.  They sit there for hours and hours and hours with no idea what to do, arguing, crying, reassuring, all that jazz.  Should they just wait for another boat to come along?  Is it likely that one eventually will?  How will they survive if all they can do is sit in the tree?  Or, wait, should they get back in the water and try to flip their little boat back over and try to use it to get out?  Even though that croc knocked it over with barely any effort whatsoever?  And hey, it’s been hours now and we haven’t seen any movement in the water at all — what if the croc is GONE and we’re just sitting here like a bunch of paranoid idiots?

Adam, espousing the latter theory, decides he’s going to give getting to the boat a try.  And then later, both Grace and Lee try reaching the boat as well.  Only one of them ends up being successful — I won’t say which one.  The rest, I’m sorry to report, end up being croc chow.

Though it sounds like a fairly straight-forward killer monster movie, the likes of which we’ve seen a number of times before, the acting in this film is absolutely stellar, especially from the two women.   There’ s a scene that involves both of them that is just absolutely heartbreaking, and that’s a testament to their acting abilities more than the storyline itself.   There’s a ton of suspense, and a few truly heart-stopping moments (like when the croc jumps out of the water — yoinks!).  I was incredibly impressed by this flick, and definitely am looking forward to watching it again sometime soon.

What’s up with that DVD cover that makes the croc look like a snake, though?  I mean, seriously.  Ridunkulous.  Bad marketing, fellas.  Real bad.  Everybody knows snake movies totally stink.  Crocodile movies, on the other hand, COMPLETELY RULE.  As do shark movies.  And bug movies.  And natural disaster movies.  And zombie movies.  And movies starring Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts.

Wait, forget I just said that last bit.  I don’t know what came over me.

[Watch the trailer]

[Netflix me | Buy me]

Genre:  Horror
Cast:  Maeve Dermody, Ben Oxenbould, Diana Glenn, Andy Rodoreda

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6 Responses to “MOVIE: Black Water (2007)”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    You know what else would completely rule?

    * That proposed remake of Casablanca with Ben Affleck and J.Lo.
    * Star Wars Episode 1.5: Jar Jar and the Haunted Castle
    * A remake of Leprechaun starring Tara Reid…as the leprechaun
    * Pride and Prejudice and Zom…oh wait.
    * Brian Bosworth IS…The Great Gatsby
    * A non-atrocious, actually watchable musical about Moulin Rouge

  2. Trip Says:

    Sigh…

  3. megwood Says:

    Dude, you can’t go wrong with a Leprechaun movie.

    If you want, we can just start assuming that any time someone posts as “Anonymous,” it’s you. It usually IS you, so that would probably even work 88.9% of the time.

  4. Lizzie Says:

    Trip, you’ve done it again! But what is WITH you and this “Anonymous” thing? My name, silly as it is, is permanently on this blog, so I don’t have to keep remembering to put it in. Anyway, I LOVE all your suggestions, ESP. the “Leprechaun” one, as I think that Leprechaun character is NASTY, and so is Tara Reid!

    Meg, I’m sorry to say, but I actually liked the first “Anaconda” movie – those others, I probably wouldn’t. But I’ve also been the “victim” of false advertising in the packaging, and the DESCRIPTIONS of movies for rent. Those VHS boxes, or DVD covers for movies are OFTEN misleading! Now that I actually go through Netflix, I think they’re more reliable in describing movies.

  5. Haidee Says:

    I LOVE snake movies. I own Anacondas 1&2, plus Boa, Boa vs Python, Python and any other giant snake movie I can get my paws on. Have you seen Sars Wars? Giant. Zombie. Snakes. Actually zombie pretty much everything, including babies. Plus cross dressing, insane assassins, Star Wars ripoffs, light sabers that run out of batteries and more fun stuff. I actually went out and forked over $40 for the real deal, not $5 for a knockoff!

  6. Letmewatchthis Says:

    WatchThisFree…

    many thanks for insightful post. im please positive this post has aided me help you save countless hours of looking other very similar posts just to find what i was trying for. thank you…

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