How to Kill Zombies — Read It, Learn It, Pass It On

You know how one of my biggest pet peeves with zombie movies is the fact nobody in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie?  They’re always like, “Hey, why won’t these funny-lookin’ guys die when I shoot them in the chest?” and then think they’re absolute geniuses when they discover shooting them in the HEAD is what takes them out for good?  It’s the part of every zombie movie where I pause the DVD, turn to whomever is in the room (usually the cat) and say, “Like, NO DUH!”

Well, you’ll be happy to know we finally have a way to get the word out:

I think we all need to buy one of these tee-shirts and start wearing them all the time, so that when the zombies finally DO come, more people will be prepared.  I mean, I’d hate to lose the war against the zombie masses just because so many snooty film dweebs were watching Citizen Kane instead of George Romero.

Sure, you could argue that it would be far, FAR more important for us to wear a tee-shirt that, for example, said “Don’t forget to vote on November 4th!”  However, I would like to point out that voting is going to be COMPLETELY MOOT once our brains have been devoured by the undead. (You know, except for the Republicans who have been voting without brains for years now — bah ha ha ha, just kidding, guys!)

But while I’m here and we’re on the subject, yo, don’t forget to register to vote if you haven’t already done so.

5 Responses to “How to Kill Zombies — Read It, Learn It, Pass It On”

  1. Lizzie Says:

    EW!! AWESOME!! LIKE, NO DUH!! And also, YAY!! I want a big poster of that to put in the studio where I teach voice – just what my students need!

  2. Trip Says:

    Of course, once everyone knows how to kill zombies efficiently, no muss no fuss, then that sort of takes a lot of the tension inherent in zombie movies.

    When even the bratty 8-year-old little sister cliche character can yank out the sawed-off shotty from behind the pantry door and vaporize the head of an intruding undead, then zombie movies no longer rock. They are teh suck.

  3. megwood Says:

    I actually kind of liked “Land of the Dead,” though, where everybody already knew how to kill the zombies, but there were more complicated problems to deal with on top of trying not to get eaten. Though I do realize that movie actually stunk. Like THAT ever stops me from liking something.

  4. Ellen Says:

    Okay, not to brag, but Graham got to be a zombie extra in “Land of The Dead”… he was up in Toronto a few years ago doing press on the set for Cinefantastique & is a HUGE George Romero fan, so that along with his cool accent, got him 5 seconds of screen time, just as the zombies invade Fiddler’s Green. He jokes that Dennis Hopper was his co-star (since he was in the scene screaming at the zombies).

    “Shoot it, shoot it in the head!”

  5. pet peeves Says:

    pet peeve…

    […]How to Kill Zombies — Read It, Learn It, Pass It On «[…]…

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