Man vs. Wild is back!

Best news from last week: Man vs. Wild is back and all-new! This season’s pilot featured ex-Boyfriend Bear Grylls dropping into the middle of the Florida Everglades, causing me to add THAT location to my list of vacation spots to avoid. Watching Bear suffer as he attempted to trek to high ground via the swamp and some razor-sharp grass, we learned the following things:

1. Do not taunt the crocodiles.
2. Tie your shoelaces together to scale slippery trees.
3. Filter muddy water through your shirt before drinking.
4. Diving into quicksand makes you really, really dirty.
5. You don’t have to kill the frogs before you eat them, nor do you have to deshell the tortoise before baking.
6. Getting sand in your underwear is, and I quote, “not ideal.”
7. Bear Grylls has a nice ass. It even looks good covered in mosquito bites (thanks for the view, Bear!).

Great episode! Welcome back, Mr. Grylls!

In other Boyfriend-related news, Treat Williams reenters our lives tonight on TNT in the new series Heartland, which premieres after the always-terrific series The Closer. Apparently, he plays a cranky heart surgeon — doesn’t sound terribly original (Hi, Dr. House!), but it might still be fun. I do confess I liked it better when Treat was making lots of bad sci-fi and monster movies (long live Deep Rising and Gale Force!), but I’ll take what I can get.

Tags: Reality