Welcome to autumn, everyone! Time to get back to talking about television! The fall season of premieres actually started last night with TNT’s newest show, Raising the Bar. But since I didn’t get this up in time to alert you to that one, I decided I’d do the next best thing: watch it, review it for you, and then tell you when it was going to rerun so you could catch it later in the week. Aren’t I nice?
In any case, here’s what’s on/back this week — I’ll be posting on the blog every Sunday or Monday from now through October with the schedule for the new/returning series I’m planning to watch myself. If I miss one of your favorites, please feel free to let others know about it in comments!
And by the way, if you aren’t watching ABC Family’s new series The Middleman, YOU ARE DUMB. I’m sorry — it simply has to be said.
Monday, September 1st
10pm, TNT: Raising the Bar, Season 1. Here’s my review: SUCKED!
See? Now you don’t have to worry about having missed it!
WOW, was this show ever horrible! I confess I only made it through the first twenty minutes, so I suppose it’s possible it turned into brilliant drama two minutes after I threw the remote at the TV with a tortured cry of “Aaaaaarrggghhhh!” (missed, thankfully). But somehow, I doubt it. The scene that finally made me bail was the scene in which it became clear that one of the primary characters of the series, the judge played by Jane Kaza-too-many-vowels-and-zeds, was being drawn as a judge who would do whatever she felt like doing, regardless of ethics (or even, say, the law), but could be easily coerced into acting ethically/legally by her smarmy, young, adorable legal aide. Puke.
It’s possible I might’ve been okay with a plot element like that 10 years ago. But in this day and age where every time I read the newspaper, I’m hit with yet another story about abuse of power in the government (hi, Sarah Palin!), I just have no patience for it whatsoever. It’s not entertaining — it’s simply offensive. And what’s more, here it was also just plain stupid.
Even worse, though, was Mark-Paul Gosselaar, who started off annoying me weeks ago with his RIDICULOUSLY bad hair, and only got more insufferable as the pilot progressed last night. We’re clearly supposed to side with him — the passionate, crusading, young public defender — but everything about his behavior was so childishly unprofessional (rolling his eyes at the judge, tapping his fingers impatiently, sighing loudly with exasperation as he threw his arms up dramatically whenever the DA made an objection, looking disheveled in general) that I found him utterly obnoxious.
I just wanted to smack him and tell him that, actually, deportment matters when you’re a professional, you noob, and if you truly give a rat’s ass about your client, your INNOCENT client, you’ll stop melodramatically pushing your stupid hair around and cease and desist your total douchebaggery in court. Pardon my French.
Anyway, if you still want to see it even though IT’S TERRIBLE, I’m sure TNT will be rerunning it at least once before the week is out. I can’t in good conscience go look up when for you, though, because that would make me an accessory after the fact. Or, like, guilty of first degree aggravated assault. I can’t do the time, so I better not do the crime. If only Mark-Paul Gosselaar’s hair felt the same way.
Tuesday, September 2nd
8-10pm, CW: 90210, Season 1. Oh please, like you AREN’T going to watch this? If you’re my age (cough cough thirty-ffffsomething cough cough), you know where your butt will be tonight at 8pm. It will be on the couch with the tube tuned to the CW. JUST LIKE MINE. I have no plans to actually stick with this one unless it totally blows me away (so unlikely!), but there’s no way in HELL I’m missing the pilot. Both Kelly and Brenda will be back (as well as Peach Pit owner Nat, yay). Even better, though there won’t be a Dylan to get the girls a-brawlin’, there’s apparently a VERY cute English teacher, which I’m sure will be even more fun. Like Dylan — but with brains! What’s not to love?
10pm, FX: The Shield, Season 7 (final season). I CANNOT WAIT (and as a Dish Network subscriber, I won’t have to, as this will be on at 7pm for me instead of 10 — nyah!). Man, I really hope Vic gets to whack someone in the side of the head with a phone book this season, because that’s always my favorite part of this show.
Oh crikey, that’s a terrible thing to say, and I am a terrible person for having said it. AT LEAST I’M BEING HONEST.
Wednesday, September 3rd
8-10pm, CW: America’s Next Top Model, Season 11. I almost gave up on this show last season, because the fighting, OH, the FIGHTING!: it came early, it came often. But then they were so clearly rigging the whole thing so the plus-sized model would win, and I couldn’t bail without seeing her crowned, even though a piece of me knew she probably didn’t deserve it. And also, that she was a total brat. Then again, who among us wasn’t a total brat in our late teens and early 20’s? I mean, except for me, of course. I’ve always been this nice.
Mostly I just tune in to see Tyra’s hair. It never fails to inspire.
8-10pm, Fox: Bones, Season 4. This season’s two hour premiere takes Bones and Angel (oh, you know who I mean) to Paris. THE CITY OF LOVE. I have two words for Bones this year: Moon. Lighting. Don’t make me warn you again. NO KISSING!!
I’m actually still incredibly peeved at this show for what they did to Zack last season, when everybody — EVERYBODY! — knew Sweets was really the serial killer. The dude is perpetually happy AND he’s a psychiatrist. That’s two out of the three criteria for mass murder, right there. But, I’m holding out hope that they’ll come to their senses and let Zack back into the lab. And then do a crossover episode with Dexter that ends with Sweets in pieces at the bottom of the ocean. Oh shut up, I can DREAM, can’t I?
10pm, FX: Sons of Anarchy, Season 1. Here’s everything I know about this show:
It’s about biker gangs
It’s got an animated flaming skull on its web site
It’s on FX, so it will feature graphic language, violence, and sex
It stars ex-Boyfriend Charlie Hunnam and ex-X-Files boss Mitch Pileggi — WITH TATTOOS.
SIGN ME UP!
10pm, Bravo: Top Design, Season 2. I really enjoyed this show last year, a reality competition for interior designers, and was a bit worried it had gotten the boot. Nope — it’s back! I look forward to seeing what totally wacky and impractical things this year’s crop of decorators come up with. Heck, maybe I’ll finally get inspired to paint a room in my own house. Or, like, make myself a throw pillow or something. Who knows.
Okay, gang, that’s it for premieres this week, at least in terms of things I’m planning to watch. Tune in early next week for a heads-up on the second week of September on the Tube of Boob!
